Soul Serenade

Contextual abstraction

2011-09-17T08:46:00.003+05:30

So near, yet so far
Floundering over the piles and heaps
Of the end before a start

Paths and choices –
Seem to be omnipresent:
It would be a good time
To find the “dao”

Such an alien concept
Of giving up something
To gain something more
But what is more?
And what is less?

Benign tragedies of a
Lonely heart and a bereaved mind
Clusters of thoughts evaporating
As soon as they appear –
Making even more sense
Of an eclectic world

Colourless banter

2011-08-11T16:30:00.001+05:30

The hues of green and brown
Trespassed by the smoke of human travel
A voice within, several outside
Making their peace with the burdens of life

Jibber-jabber: The scheme of things
Don’t justify the noise
All voices echoing the uncertainty,
Of mind, body and soul.

The comfort you need
To smile and stare emptily
Without a word inward or out –
Takes a stretch of will and imagination

Mindless banter, egotistical eyes;
Reflection can be more thoughtful at times,
It’s easy to whisper, hard to contain
The calmness of being one with Nature.

Wayside Countryside

2011-08-11T16:23:00.001+05:30

Check-in –
What’s the time?
Are we ready to party out just yet?

Ingest nature’s sorrows
And turn it into our happiness
While waiting for black to turn white

Running away –
From the light of sound
Of the everyday mundane blues

Trying to capture
A picturesque moment for you
While searching for an alibi

Yesterday’s mystery and tomorrow’s history
Creating this void of time
Which is weaned away – high

Check out –
Where are we?
Can I forget everything now?

Painted Gray

2011-04-09T00:54:00.001+05:30

It’s almost worrisome that the
Only annoying thing is a
Fan on full blast in the distance –
While life holds on pause…

What do you feel?
When you realize that
The enemy’s premonition
Did contain some validity?

All thoughts interwoven
To form a meaningful whole;
So much morality upheld
That it almost seems like an arcane world.

Finally discovering the beauty
Of presence in a time and place
Of question and answer
Of irrelevant conversation
That makes a star.

Insipid Countenance

2011-03-18T05:26:00.000+05:30

And you think that all I ever wanted
Was a proof to make me happy;
That someone told me that
I was the chosen One.

And you say that amidst this hieroglyphics
Is some sentiment of vile emotion –
And that I moulded my solitude
From the present clay of nothingness

And you promise me of a future
That will wither away with distance and time
And ever so craftily
Look impeachable and benign.

Or maybe it’s just me:
It’s time to raise my hand –
But does it really matter?
Maybe just for some hollow satisfaction…

The Other Side

2011-03-17T20:25:00.000+05:30

With the ticking of time
Does everything you ever stood for
Fade away into a distant dream
Along with the innocence of a child

All the illusions
That you thought to be true
And you held so dear
Crushed in the epiphany of a moment

The hope and ambition
Of a rosy distant future
Crashed by the sudden reality
Of this portentous today.

All the past yesterdays
Seems so brightly coloured
By the magic of the mind
The grass is always greener
On the other side.

Questions

2011-03-14T19:16:00.001+05:30

How real is the “real world” out there?

How bad is the “big bad world” out there?

Why do we believe what we believe?

Who says what is right and what is wrong?

Why are there systems and boundaries?

Why do most of us work under the influence of some sort of existentialism?

And what is the end purpose to such a life with norms?

Apart from reasoning, what separates us from a herd of sheep?

Do we even implement “ethical” reasoning in a rational manner?

What is time?

Who am I?

Growing Old

2011-03-14T19:06:00.001+05:30

These creases on your face –
Run deeper.
The wounds in your body –
Heal slower.

These nights you sleep –
Are shorter.
The hours you work –
Much longer.

The zest for life –
Getting weaker
The motivation to start something new –
Already slimmer.

And all you want to do is –
Just get by.
And at the end of the week –
Get high.
And that keeps you content –
For a while.
Before you start asking why?
And stare blankly at the sky.

Disparity

2011-03-14T18:59:00.001+05:30

A dank corner under a thatched roof,
Sniffling, cowering by the side
Trembling caused by the force of the immortal
Nature is not by your side.

The cold envelops
Your senses and might
The rags that were on you
Are for your brother tonight.

And before the morning shows
You will be collecting water
To make that hot tea, you’re bound
By the society, there’s no showdown.

Just as the sun is on the horizon
You’re off to clean the waste
No respite for illness and weakness
For that’s what you’re told of life.

Questions come and go by
As you gaze in wonderment
At the Sultans and Sahibs of the other world
Hoping someday, you’ll understand why!

Why you’re collecting water and cleaning waste,
Why you’re bequeathed with only rags and pans
While they have their Mahals and cricket bats
Why you’re here and not there.

But really, child –
I can’t say you’re not better off:
No, only in this superficial physical state of disparity:
For ultimately, the both of you will have the same questions
And the both of you will rest in time.

And then it would not have mattered whether
He ate millet balls or gold dust
Neither of you were able to able to answer the question of time
And we all go through our cycles one more time.

The end of an era

2011-01-23T19:20:00.001+05:30

You had given up on me
Even before I left
So it was hard for you
To even welcome me
Every aspect of life replaced.

A paradigm shift of sorts
You craved for your space and time
When all I tried to do
Was pull you aside and back in time,
To show you the old world.

Remember the time and place
When none of what you care about now
Even mattered in the slightest
The meaning of life was something more
And our hopes reached far beyond.

I may never understand
As to why you settles for the mundane
And stayed stubborn, not to budge
When all you had to do
Was open your eyes and see the world.

And now you’re resigned to your fate
Wanting hackneyed sentiments fulfilled
Thinking that the basic is unfulfilled
Not realizing that there’s a destiny
Far beyond: Calling out to you.

Remember Love

2011-01-20T09:18:00.001+05:30

Staring blankly at optimistic thoughts
Judging all the sophistication that you are
All the while trying not to.

Remembering the times
Understanding the very thoughts
Sentiments mean nothing at all.

Beauty is not skin-deep
But does it really matter
Is there any time to look further?

You wanted to dive to a well
That was steadily getting empty
While getting ready for life

You believe in this façade
And wanted to play the charade
And I only called the bluff.

For that, you will not comprehend
What I have not been through
Because you believe, what I am not.

I can be emotive, but you know
That I am merely ruthless
I move from flower to flower.

It’s baffling all the more
That you couldn’t predict this –
For I narrated all my past to you

It is but obvious that I choose this path
I don’t want to be crushed, or die
And yet, you thought otherwise.

Finally, I knew you
And you thought I didn’t
Only, you didn’t know me.

To Continue Dreaming

2011-01-12T20:18:00.001+05:30

Emptiness all around
Is it really that bad?

Floating like a feather
Are your eyes red?

There’s nothing else to do
But do you really care?

Endless keys of black and white
Or would you prefer valves and tubes?

Amidst supreme proficiency and artistry
Would I ever be able to reach there?

Travel by a three-wheeled drive
Would you be bothered by time?

No boundaries:
Just existence –
In time, in space
Like a child in her mother’s arms

Whine and dine
But reconcile to the fact
That the going would never
Get better.
And the best things can be discussed
Without any fear of misplacement
For that is the purpose.

After all, something is wrong
With all of us –
That is why we want to express
In a different form than the others:
The question is –
When will the expression materialize?

Day Tripping

2011-01-12T08:55:00.000+05:30

I just remembered that I have a blog. It’s been ridiculously long – possible because I like to vent all the frustration and bask in all the positivity.

The last six months or so has been nothing but one big joy ride. Joining the Swarnabhoomi Academy of Music for their Diploma in Music Performance was easily one of the best decisions of my life, in retrospect. More than the music theory and environment of the campus, it was the people: both the incredibly fabulous faculty and the eager and enthusiastic students who made this a pleasurable time for me. I think words will never do justice to the myriad experiences with great friends, the travelling to Pondicherry, Chennai and Mahabalipuram among other things. It would suffice to say that I’m looking forward to another term at SAM, if Providence provides.

I was reasonably ebullient about getting back to Singapore and meeting “long lost” friends and getting back into the world of grades and frenzy. SMU and Singapore has not disappointed my expectations of the place over the last week. It’s been hectic and even a bit hassling just over the last week, to be attending classes on Management after a good six months of pure blissful Music.

The highlight of my last week, however, was my trip to Thailand with Richa. She was enthusiastic that I was coming back to Singapore and deemed it fit that we go on holiday to “celebrate my return to civilization”. As a result, we embarked on a journey to Krabi with a one-night stay in the rustic Aonang and two nights in sparkling Phi Phi Islands.

What I did realize was not something about a new country that I had visited, but about the state of affairs in Singapore. Is it that development in countries leads to lower levels of happiness? I saw that people in Thailand enjoyed their work and were happy to get the money they were getting. They were not over zealous about any one particular aspect of life, which gave them a great sense of balance, and what I thought was a very wholesome and happy life.

We returned to the Krabi mainland on Sunday afternoon by ferry, took a cab till the airport, flew to Singapore and took the MRT home. And we didn’t “plan” to take all modes of transport on a single day.

Overall, times have been good. Sometimes so good that I’m wondering when the next cycle of bad would hit. And how bad it would be. Nonetheless, I hope people in Singapore smile more.

Here & There

2010-12-13T20:49:00.001+05:30

Too long to hold on to the past
Too short to create a new present

Too long since there was coherence
Too short to call it loneliness

Too long since I last saw rage
Too short since my eyes last went red

Too long have I been waiting for the silver platter
Too short since I stopped looking at silver linings

Too long since I’ve fallen in love for the first time,
Too short since I’ve not fallen out of love

Too long since I felt I needed something
Too short from when I just got it

Too long since I last cried
Too short since I’ve wanted out

Love
Ego
Spite
Wavelength
Survive.

Reticence

2010-10-16T21:46:00.001+05:30

Head rise, head fall
Lit smoke, ash tray

Palm tree, neem grove
Lit candles, burning light

This path, that road
Wine glass, steel tumbler

Festive lights, no electricity
Water fountain, desert rain

High-rise, drooping shoulders
Casual t-shirt, blue tie

Lost and found, found and lost
Eyes open, eyes shut

Head rise, head fall
Cigarette ash on the floor.

Last Year

2010-10-14T02:51:00.002+05:30

The tune from last year
Haunts my everyday
Teleporting me through time
Remembering those faces,
And the excitement.

The lights and sound
Shimmered through the steps
The shades were on
Inebriation was taken care of
A show was in hand.

All practice through
In hope that the best was saved
For the last performance
Something the decade would remember
Not just as a passing memory.

Vague symbolisms attenuated
By the significance of the moment –
Even lines of meager lust
Can be interpreted
As a poem of sincere love.

And I remember the trend
With every zenith, there was a nadir
But that day changed quickly
For the better –
The water seemed to sparkle.

And who would have thought
That all of life literally converged
On a single day –
And something so unexpected
Would be the fruit of it.

Long lost events
Of dead lithium and wet metal
Still linger as good memories
Past friends and right of passage
To a disparate future.

The barefoot walk
The sandy, soaked jeans
The most relieving rest
The pleasant body ache
And all the people.

That song, in the background
I remember.
It was from another era
From where I am now –
Just a year ago.

The End

2010-10-13T21:32:00.001+05:30

It feels like there’s nothing left to write,
Everything that everyone ever felt:
Has been penned down by someone.
So what is the purpose of a recycled rant?

Every space: over-described
Every animal: over-captured
Every high: over-celebrated
Every low: over-sympathized.

All emotions on overdrive –
Does a girl who has
Just come of age
Feel such a zest for life?

Jarring, this crowd has been
The escape in sight
Deceptively pleasing
Like a mirage on a sunny day.

And just as this thought flutters by
A new one enters
Some distraction
And the thread disappears
Just like a broken spider-web
To be recreated
At some distant future ahead.

Balance

2010-10-13T21:29:00.001+05:30

Perfectly poised,
Such eager and delight
Warm smile
That lights up life.

Unkempt hair
Does not diminish
The glint of bliss
That shines through the night.

Not conservative
Not over the top
Just right
To keep you in that high.

Eclectic in composition
Too eccentric to stereotype
No hint of any imitation
In any action.

And then there are spiritual journeys
For some greater good
And yet not losing sight
Of the worldly pleasures to be had.

As we yearn
For this balance
We seek inspiration
From urban saints like you.

The Retarded Chronicles

2010-09-02T19:50:00.000+05:30

I’ve been giving a thought as to what man’s greatest invention through time has been. The first answer in my head was: noise-cancelling earphones. Those beautiful things just cut out all the unwanted sound especially if you’re in an aircraft or a train. They give you just what you want: all the good shit.

Or probably not. It was probably the computer. Not that I use my computer constructively, but it just sounds right that it was the most significant achievements in terms of human progression towards some higher spiritual goal. Computers are definitely aiding us in that direction. I mean, what would we do without Facebook?

I finally discovered what man’s greatest invention was, through an interesting experience. After our morning class, Gokul and I realized that we were out of smokes; and what would life be without those eighty-four millimeters of honeydew smooth stuff. Since we had no mode of transport, we decided to walk it up. At 12 30pm. In a desert between Chennai and Pondicherry. So you know what that means. And just to make things a little more interesting, I came up with the idea that we walk bare-foot. Gokul seemed a little hesitant at first, saying that it might prove more wise to carry our slippers in our hands. But when I rubbished that plan, he seemed completely up for it. After all, Gokul is up for anything that is obscenely arbitrary.

We paved our way through fields that skirt Tapovan at the edges and I should have realized that it was a bad idea. The heat of the tar was tearing through the hard skin of the soles. But a man cannot go back on his word. So we trudged on.

Halfway through, it seemed really unbearable. Gokul dipped his feet in some mud pool just as I got injured. Some thorn seemed to have penetrated through the thick layer of skin as blood started trickling onto the tar. But we must go on. For the greater good.

Some half an hour later, we reached our destination. Only to find out that the shop didn’t have enough packs for the both of us. So we waited there as he went to another place to get us our stuff. We bought some water packets as well to relieve our feet of some of its misery.

And soon, we were on our way back. Like some urban sages walking though a remote town. Even the watchman at Tapovan was puzzled by our misplaced sense of bravado.

We finally got back. And vowed never to do that again. And just then I realized that possibly, just possibly, footwear is the greatest invention of mankind.

Congruent Sentiments

2010-09-02T10:46:00.000+05:30

Sitting, gazing

Watching, seeking

Dreaming, rhyming

Feeling, hurting

Waiting, learning

Smiling, laughing

Crying, weeping

Hoping, dying

All for you.

Growing Up

2010-09-02T08:06:00.001+05:30

I came here for a life experience. And a life experience I got. For many of the folks, it’s about the music, the scales, modes, arpeggios, triads, transcriptions, signatures and whatnot, but for me it was more of a self-evaluation. The biggest take-away I’ve had since day one is probably the words of David Anderson, when he took his lecture on August 2nd. He said, “There are musicians and there are rockstars”. Nothing about music was more profound than that. It’s basically the difference between skill and luck.

Along the way, I’ve met some bohemian people – as artistes generally tend to be. I’ve had a room on fire; met a great human being who was the Dean of the music school until he passed away. Seen snakes and frogs like they were ants and spiders. Interacted with the fantastic faculty. And of course, learnt more about human social behaviour and their inherent political nature.

Group politics is by far one of the most unfathomable issues. How people interact, polarize and have the concept of selective disinformation is rather fascinating. Now if only we chose to socialize and communicate, instead. But we all learn it the hard way…

A Chocolate After Disaster

2010-08-30T12:33:00.001+05:30

It’s been more than a couple of days. I don’t know if the sense of loss has sunk in yet or not but I have this vague sense of blissful tranquility. I’m completely on my own – not much support – and am definitely feeling good about it. No pressure, anxiety, worry, tension and all those other emotions associated with a fire.

We were on our way to Chennai. I remember thinking why I decided to travel as it’s such a pain to go through the ECR with nothing much to do but stare at the empty spaces, silently puffing some smoke and drinking some soda. I didn’t even want to go; it’s just that I didn’t want to be alone, as most of my friends had decided to go.

We reached our destination – Taj Coromandel – after wading through much of the evening traffic just in time for the rather wonderful spread (especially considering the fact that all of us were coming from a forest with some rather sub-standard food). The occasion was a Jugalbandhi concert by the Malladi Brothers and the Gudecha Brothers. We were (un)fortunately able to catch only the last twenty minutes of a rather average performance.

On the way back, we were just commenting that alcohol would have probably been a good finish to what was a belter of a dinner, when Anand got a call. He seemed puzzled as he handed the phone over to me. He whispered, “Prasanna”.

For some reason, I’ve always had an inexplicable sense of dull fear when a person of authority calls me at awkward moments. It’s as if I’ve done something wrong and I’m going to be reprimanded for the folly.

“Bharath, when was the last time you exited the room?” Prasanna’s somber voice echoed.

“Sir, this afternoon” I replied, still rather puzzled.

“When did you last enter your room?”

“This afternoon?” The fear was settling in my tummy. I was trying to think of all the wrongdoings that I may have indulged in. I couldn’t think of much.

“There’s some smog in your room.” Prasanna deliberated.

“Smog?”

“I’ll just check it out and call you back.” Click.

I wondered what it could be about. I waited for the call, but got none even after twenty-five minutes. As we passed Mamallapuram, I decided it was time for me to check on my room. I wasn’t too worried though.

“Hi sir. This is Bharath”

“Yes Bharath. I’m just going to your villa to check it out now. Nobody knows what happened. Did you have any equipment in the room?” he asked, calmly.

“Yes sir. I had my Strat in there.” I replied. I knew my Yamaha acoustic was in Anand’s room.

“Ok. I’ll check it out and call you man.” Click.

Strange.

Now I’m more anxious than curious too check out as to what happened to my room. I didn’t think it would be much to be bothered about, though. We finally reached at some 1:20 am as we – Gokul, Purab, Vijay, Anand and I made our way towards my villa at Tapovan. Just as we entered the door, the watchman said in Tamil that “boss” had ordered that no one be allowed in.

“Fuck that. I want to know what happened to my room.” I disregarded what he said and made my way into the villa as the smell of soot became increasingly repugnant. I entered the dark room. No lights. The room looked black. It seemed like something had happened but it didn’t seem too serious. Just some nasty smell from the room; probably can be cleaned by the next day. I switched on the torch light from my phone. Fuck.

A quick tour of the room made it evident that I had lost my meager belongings. To some sort of a fire. I checked the cupboard – my most valuable possession – the brown box that my best friends had painstakingly sent to me was still there, albeit covered in soot. All is not lost. I couldn’t find much in the room – my guitar had been moved. A few seconds later, I couldn’t bear staying in there. My suitcase, which I used for Singapore had been burnt to the frame. I didn’t even know what all was in there. Some of my Singapore stuff was there, for sure. Some stuff I had kept for memories sake, was all gone.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” I stormed out of the villa. I sat by the pavement for a few seconds, trying to catch my breath. Again in a few seconds, we were walking towards Shyam’s villa. I entered the common room: this was serious.

Prasanna, Shyam, Johnson, Wayne all in a row. A chair right in front of them for me to sit on, as if I were on trial. I sat.

“There was a minor incident today in Bharath’s room. No need to worry about it. A few things were burnt. The cause of the fire is still unknown.” Shyam started, just to give an introduction to everyone as to what had happened over the past few hours.

He went on to say that I shouldn’t be worried too much, but none of it went in as I pictured my room in that soot – somewhat haunted. And all time, I noticed that Prasanna’s face looked rather concerned and even upset. I couldn’t wait to see what they had salvaged from the cinders of my room. Finally, we walked over to Shyam’s Honda Civic to remove the bags that remained.

My school bag seemed to in tact along with my Mac. Great. My travel bag seemed to be okay with some of my clothes smelling of smoke. Not bad. And then my guitar came out. It seemed to have escaped the fire unscathed, thanks to Anand’s Gator hard case. Until I noticed the side and the back of the case, where only the frame remained. I opened it, hesitantly. Ran out and started crying. I couldn’t help it. The first real thing I had ever bought from when I started getting some money from TAships; broken – with wood now turned to ash falling from what remained of some pickups and the fretboard. Ghastly.

Time went by as the consolation began and everyone decided to divert my mind by playing the movie – Kung Fu Hustle. Slowly, all the folks started trickling out, as it was late. Finally, I was left alone, watching the movie all by myself, my mind still on everything that had happened over the past couple of hours. I switched off the television and started pacing around, not knowing what to do. I took down a few cigarettes with me as well. The alcohol was missing. I waited and waited for it to be a reasonable time in Singapore. I called Richa. I felt much better, having been reassured that I have someone to rely on. Soon after, I called Malini as well. Shock and sympathy poured out.

The next morning I even got a call from Malini’s mother who was very sweet to me and told me that I must go to Chennai and that I should stay at their place. I was very comforted. It would still not be a good time to mention this to folks at home, in case they panic. That’s the last thing I can handle.

And time went by. I slept. The next morning, all of us heard about Dr. Randall Giles’ passing. It seemed as if we could never get out of this stroke of bad luck. Dr Randy was an accomplished composer who taught us music notation and history of music. It was utterly fascinating to talk with him every time during dinner. We all cried for him.

And again, time passed. Now I sit, with my most prized possession – the Ikea brown box that came from Singapore. And munch on the last bar of Snickers. Everything is going to be alright.

M

2010-08-24T18:18:00.001+05:30

And you think that I’ll always be fine
All that I need is company.
And you think that I’ll always be fine
So long as there’s some alcohol around.

And you think I’ll always be fine
I don’t really care about the things around
And you think I’ll always be fine
I can move on – no matter what.

And you think I’ll always be fine
Places and memories don’t affect me as much
And you think I’ll always be fine
I’ve become numb as a stone; through time.

I remember all the times –
When nothing meant more
Than some smoke around
And some memorable conversations

Nothing means more
Than a quiet little walk
From here to there
Where we cover everything
From life to death.

Change

2010-08-24T18:09:00.000+05:30

It’s so strange to move from one place to another. I remember the first time I was supposed to come back to Bangalore from Singapore – my joy knew no bounds. Two years on, and I can’t wait to go back and meet some of my best friends there.

It’s really so strange to move from one place to another. I was scared to travel all alone to Pondicherry from Bangalore for my music school. And yet I’ve found this inexplicable sort of peace there with the music and the people there. It was almost strange to come back to Bangalore for Avani Avittam.

It’s so strange to move from one place to another. I’m now in Bangalore – incredibly happy after having met some of my closest friends from the yesteryears (which undoubtedly makes me feel old) and have a great time. It’s almost awkward to go back to the place where I belong.

When I am in my music school – I’m happy and satisfied. When I am in Singapore – I’m busy and enthusiastic. When I am in Bangalore – I laugh and I’m high. So unique. Such different sides to life: and yet, it’s extremely awkward to move from one place to another although the places in themselves are so beautiful and awesome.

The importance of company:
You will realize –
When you’re all alone
And have to spend the rest
Of all your life
With nobody
With only your thoughts to keep you
Some sweet company;
Until in drives you
To the wall –
The end of life:
Some illusion
Or madness – of life.

A Shade of Truth

2010-08-12T08:40:00.000+05:30

Think, think
Try to sound smart
Live, live
Experience the heart

Breathe, breathe
Let the moment take you
Feel, feel
That there’s no control left by

What’s right? What’s wrong?
Would we ever get to know?
Converse, converse
It might make us wiser

Smile, smile
Spread some joy in this world
See, see
Take in all that can be felt

Listen, listen
For that will make you understand
Play, play
As that will make you better

But in the end –
The purpose should not be lost
And the people not forgotten
Life, thought, breath and happiness.

Valency

2010-08-12T08:36:00.001+05:30

If you could trace your life
Through a road map –
What would it be?

If your life were to be told
In a single simple song:
Who would you want the singer to be?

When thoughts go dark
And nothing ever seems to resolve –
What song would you play?

When your mind goes blank
And nothing seems to be worth living for
Would you just let things be?

What do you give?
What do you want to take?
What expression do you want to be?
And do you want to stand to be?

Math
Science
Philosophy
And art.

The mind
Unconscious
Transcendental
Being.

Times

2010-08-11T18:23:00.000+05:30

A lot can happen in five years. I was fifteen, five years ago. Fifteen, I say.

And then again, there are few things that don’t change at all. I was waiting to enter “sweet sixteen”. Now I wait to be twenty-one. The wait is still the same. As if something cool is going to happen. Probably I should make something happen. Maybe I should have a drunken legal marriage!

Let’s all sing a belated happy birthday song to the blog as well, which turned 4 sometime recently. I bothered to check my first post and realized that it was not the most auspicious start. But some sentiments never change!

As time flutters by
And you watch as a mere passer by
Enjoy the rainbows and stars while they last
Don’t worry to cry.

These times are here for now
And hence called the clichéd – “present”
Take it anyway; it may be all you get
And there may be no tomorrow again.

Fingertips

2010-07-13T21:35:00.001+05:30

Barely holding the steering-wheel
Cruising through the sparse traffic
Cigarette in hand –
The sunglasses keeping that bright light out
Listening to some old-favourites dotted with some new hits
Some Thermal driven amp sound from the speakers
No destination in mind, some impulsive drive
That would probably drive me into the monsoon
And the night sky
Where the stars would actually shine
So I could lie on some dewy grass
Live another life
That is not my own, for a while.
Just lose my mind –
If only that were a reality.

Ambition

2010-07-09T22:02:00.001+05:30

Pushing the walls
Claustrophobia
Where’s the space?

Stereotype
Generalize the times
Go with the flow.

Do what the world wants of you.
Or do what you want to do.

A frame of mind
A heart of cold steel
Knuckles of grit.

Live to die for
Or actually die to live for
A choice.

Ambition
Is against all odds
A silent solidarity in solitude.

Reality

2010-07-09T18:16:00.001+05:30

But just when you think that
All will be perfect
Just as you felt the day you were born:
You will come to realize
That it takes a lot of work
For us to make this
Even a half-decent world.

Hopes will be crushed
And dreams, shattered
By the power of some existential
Force called Nature –
That brought with it its
Living creatures
Who pose to be the biggest challenge
To life.

Let’s try to work this
In some futile effort
To be a better person
For some higher cause
Something that will not even
Benefit us –
Trying to create a better world
For some unborn future.

Dreams

2010-07-09T08:50:00.001+05:30

Just when you thought it was over
And the tunnel of nothingness
Stretched on to never-land

When you thought that it was the dead of night
Did you ever realize?
That it’s just before dawn?

Dare to dream
Coz sometimes you just might get them right
Live the dream
Coz you’ll never get the same chance again.

The sun will come
And brighten your skin
Like you’re a superhero.

You will live to see tomorrow
Today is after all:
The first day to the rest of your life.

In Exchange

2010-06-26T01:28:00.001+05:30

Where am I?
With these voices in my head:
Remembering, thinking
Reliving, dissecting
My every memory
That was sad
Now turned inside out –
What was not to be
Actually is.

To reminisce a sorrow
And make it joy
The experience of pain
Is actually a pleasure:

To realize that what you thought
That life was all about
Was an illusion;
And to imagine that what you
Gave up for it
Was worth living for –
Will haunt:
With these melodies
Of haunting thoughts
In spirals they come back
And go back in time
Only to fade away
Once more.

Change of Base (Bass)

2010-06-04T06:50:00.001+05:30

“When I look back on it, I feel that it there were signs of a storm coming. I don’t remember them ever play a gig without the drummer or guitarist but they’ve played with different session bassies from time to time. I remember at the Wooten gig, Rajeev and Bruce stood together. Rzhude was standing along with some of his friends. I now want to indulge in reading more into that scene that what might have actually been going on.”

Ten years after Rzhude David took stage with the now iconic Thermal and a Quarter, he’s decided to hang up his bass and call it a day with the band. One feels that the timing of the decision couldn’t be more inapt. Thermal has been progressing by leaps and bounds having the distinction of being one of the very few Indian bands that have performed internationally in places such as Glasgow and Jakarta. They are India’s premier band having bagged a whole bunch of awards and features – including one on the maiden edition of Rolling Stones India. Four albums down with a whole bunch of new material that has yet to be put on tape, err CD and a new venture into recording and jamming space with TAAQademy: It’s a musician’s dream for all this to come true, plus all the guitar, bass, drum classes and workshops that are going on regularly.

There were the signs. Their website homepage had a photo of only Rajeev and Bruce at one point in time which was eventually replaced by one with Jason Zach and Prakash. You can’t help but try to read between the lines on the Adieu post on facebook. Quotes such as: “While I remain an undeletable part of the band’s history, it is with a blend of sad relief and gladness that I respond to the call to hang up my bass and give the little limelight I shared this far with this band a rest.” and “But I do believe it is in the best interest of the band and myself as well – as always, a choice that made me and not the other way round” seem to suggest some sort of brewing mystery within the band.

It will now be exciting to see if it will be Tony Das or Prakash who replace Rzhude on the lower frequency duties. (Update: Prakash has been named TAAQ’s new bassie).

Of course, I’d like to rant on about this but ultimately this decision is personal and all of Rzhude’s fans will have the utmost respect for his contribution not only to TAAQ, but also to Indian music through Allegro Fudge and his previous band (with guitarist John Anthony). His unique and distinct singing, songwriting and low-frequencies will be something to look forward to in his future projects. All the very best to TAAQ and Rzhude David for the future!

Nails

2010-05-20T23:12:00.000+05:30

Red ruby

Pink panther

Green goblin

Blue bangles

Violet vixen

Yellow yip

Brown bomb

Black bird

Circumstances

2010-04-29T08:34:00.002+05:30

If I’d actually made the right choices
If I’d had the right frame of mind,
If we were all in this together
If things didn’t have to be so bad.

If only I know the answers
To all of life’s questions
If only I’d wondered what
The repercussions of my actions would be.

If only I’d been the way I was
If I hadn’t met the people I did
Or the things that ensued
If only issues weren’t unresolved.

If only there was a peace of mind
And no bitter resentment
To all of life’s words and emotions
If only circumstances were better.

How

2010-04-27T13:54:00.000+05:30

Would you ever be able to sleep again?
When all you can think about –
Are the nightmares
Of the passing times
And the failure that comes with them.

Would you ever be able to smile again?
When you watch children die
Of starvation
And the old folks have nowhere to sleep
While you’re being pampered in luxury.

Would you ever be able to think again?
The insignificance associated
With the myriad emotions as
It represents a mere drop
In the ocean of souls.

Would you ever be able to live again?
All the negativity
That pervades the entire system
The pros never seem to outweigh the cons
In every breath you take.

A Funny Thing Called Love

2010-04-26T02:14:00.000+05:30

It’s funny how these memories come back,
When you’re low –
And they’re meant to get you up
On your feet,
But they don’t.

It’s ironic how you it’s so hard for you to let go
While you know that
On some level,
It was so much easier for the other person
Who’s entering a world
Where the people are long awaiting her

And while you just stand and stare
With only these few drops of tears to offer
You wonder why
Every up must have a down
Just like how a mountain is marked by its valley
And how we may never be the same again –
How we’re forced to move on through moments of life.

These tears may well dry up –
And happier times may befall upon us;
But these memories with you
Your sparkling smile, your simple light-heartedness
Your righteousness in steadfast truth
Your uplifting presence, that zest for life –
Will be engraved in our hearts that you stole
Only for you to come back and it back to us again.

Cantina memories

2010-04-18T16:27:00.000+05:30

I’m sitting in this bar;
Far, far away.
The roads that lead there are
Filled with muddy stones –
There is no civilization here
No worry lines on the forehead
No sense of urgency
Nowhere to be, just yet.

The people who walk in
Either want to enjoy their drink,
Or probably just get drunk
Just for the some simple pleasure –
Of being and existing
A detached sense of friendly gathering
No agenda, no distracting thoughts
When the forty percent concentrate is in front of you.

And the delicious, sebaceous food
For which we’d all cringe the next day
Looks ever so tempting
With its raw spices and flavor,
Benign and relaxed, seemingly old
Yet so jocular and vernal
As the times roll on
Only for new ones to take their place.

But this static will be interrupted
The rhythm of this session lost,
As life apparently cannot carry on
Forever, in a single phase
As old gives way for new
Just as I give way to you –
In this ageless time machine,
Biding my time to stay young forever.

Space Travails

2010-04-18T16:22:00.000+05:30

Stars glaring on my face
As I bounce off the moon,
No gravity to hold me
To anything every again.

Everything in constant motion
Such a suspended animation
A state of such addiction
No mind and body, such a revelation.

It’s just so hot and cold –
Green and blue,
A hue of dust
A constellation here, a conglomeration there.

So much faster than light,
An eternal being of bliss
Until someone wakes me
From this transient dream.

Atychiphobia and Asians

2010-04-10T08:27:00.000+05:30

I’ve been here for some ten hours now. It’s not the first time that I’m doing this either. It’s almost a norm, like a social gathering where you get to see the same people for multiple days. But I doubt this was the communal intercultural, “the world is your campus” experience that SMU has been branding itself as.

It’s been two years since I’ve joined SMU and I have two days to go for my term exams to start. And I’ve been camping in the library. It’s almost like a stress-buster to be here because it’s an SMU law that the number of hours you spend in the library is directly proportional to the grade you get. “Hard work” viz-a-viz slogging (or as one of my friend’s put it “tiring the syllabus down”) is the way to go. It doesn’t matter whether you are facebooking or being unproductive generally in the library. There’s something in the air, the aura of the place created by fellow students induces such a stupor that every student is subjected to this trance-like zombie state where work eventually happens in that 2 – 3 day amorous relationship with the library.

Nice undergrad experience, eh? I think every Indian SMU student has at some point in his/her life (barring the obnoxiously enthusiastic freshmen) contemplated on leaving SMU/undergrad/life for good. It’s the very nature of the place. The boys here have real high resilience. The girls, even more. I think a lot has to do with the fact that the male folk are subjected to 2 years of national service which makes them two years older than all the international students that makes them so competitive in the rat race. Singaporean women, increasing obsessed with managing an impressive career (and thus reducing the fertility rate of the country) are not only voracious in academics, but vociferous as well.

But that doesn’t still explain the camping in the library bit, does it? Whoever thought of the bell curve of grading hopefully had good intentions in heart. And I’m pretty sure it was a Western philosophy which promoted students to be “literate, not learned”. And invariably, such sensitive indices must not, by any means, be tested in an Asian context. They are always bound to go wrong. No Asian kid wants to be on the wrong side of that bell curve. And yes, Indians are Asians too. So if this chappie from my Business Processes class is spending twenty hours in the library, poring over the notes, then I better spend an hour more than him, lest I find myself in an unfavourable position. This applies to the particular class, and by extension to my internship, future job and my life.

It’s just beautiful how I’m seeing rejuvenated faces of all those students who were confident of themselves and were pampering themselves to the luxury of a bed and some rest and giving me that all-knowing smile. “I know what you were doing during the term. While I was in the library till 12 midnight, you were out drinking. Suffer, mere mortal.” God bless the Asian Civilization.

The Escapist

2010-04-07T03:11:00.001+05:30

Staring at an empty canvas,
Looking past the same thoughts;
An idea of nothingness shuffles
And makes it come on repeat.

Once again, once again –
You try to keep your feet on the ground;
Once again, once again –
You try to find a way to Neverland.

Don’t show your teeth, a little monkey
Awake within you –
Shines through your eyes
As you wait to be released.

The Evolution of Indian Music - I

2010-04-06T14:13:00.003+05:30

I was just going through some old songs and videos of Indian bands that have made the music scene what it is today. It’s absolutely fascinating how the music has progressed and evolved, not just melodically, but even terms of processing sonic and lyrics.

The journey predates even the birth of Parikrama and Moksha with bands like Millennium and Indus Creed introducing the rebellious music of the west to the conservative population of India. Unfortunately, I have not heard too much of either band apart from a Millennium gig I attended when they opened for Megadeth and to be honest, it did show that they’ve grown rather old. It was with some difficulty that they pulled off some their brand of growling heavy metal. With the turn of the decade in 1990, there was a new freshness in the sound of Indian Ocean, which was a gamut of musical expressions settled in a very Indian context. Their signature Indo rock-fusion jazz has been unmatched ever since their inception in 1990.

Soon after, other bands like Parikrama, Moksha, Zebediah Plush and Thermal and a Quarter came to the forefront, each with their own flavor of music. Nitin Malik of Parikrama is probably one of the only Indian vocalists who can pull off a cover of AC/DC quite flawlessly just as Leon of Moksha would do of Iron Maiden. The music that came out of Bangalore at that time was surprisingly very different; Zebediah Plush explored a very retro sound with their music while TAAQ did their take on a more jam-jazz-rock n’ roll blend. Bangalore also had the likes of Galeej Gurus – a vernal three-piece band – who played grunge-rock n’ roll that definitely made a dent in the music scene.

The brilliant bands that come to mind today, fifteen years since the beginning of the evolution of music are bands like Motherjane, Junkyard Groove, Lounge Piranha, Advaita, Zero, Them Clones, Raghu Dixit Project along with TAAQ, Parikrama and Galeej Gurus.

But there’s something different about the latter bands when compared to the former younger bands. Be it the sound or the stage presence – there is just something more charismatic about the thirty year olds when compared to the younger twety-something year olds. Maybe it’s just the attitude of having “been there, done that” and probably that is what is called experience. But it’s something more. It seems as if these guys have been through so much more of a life experience than a musical experience that has shaped their music and lyrics the way they deliver it.

Music today is very “accessible”. So are musical instruments. There are guitarists who pick up a Fender Strat or a Parker guitar before knowing its worth or realizing the sound that it can produce. They buy Mesa Boogie amps and huge multi-effects pedals or the more laborious analog-pedals even. All this in probably one-year’s worth of playing. And there’s nothing wrong about it. It’s available, they want the best equipment and after all it is a huge musical investment that can be kept for life.

Guitarists from the early 90’s were fascinated by Givson acoustic guitars and the stray BOSS distortion pedal that would come from a friend’s uncle who would be returning from the US. Wow! How cool is that? Through this, these guys were able to develop themselves with the guitar and effects in a progressive manner; something that is almost impossible with guitarists today. And it shows.

Bruce Lee Mani (of TAAQ) has a tone you could kill for. The guitarist of Lounge Piranha is brilliant, but the subtlety of effects is lost even though their music is meant to be more ambient effects based.

The learning curve is just being flattened. Soon, no one would remember the days of the small distortion pedal. No one would want just clean, muddy and distortion. And music will evolve.

(My apologies for having left out the metal acts out of this rant).

Thought for Food/Drink

2010-04-02T00:29:00.001+05:30

When you make grandiose plans,
They always fail.

Ode To A Starry Night

2010-04-02T00:17:00.000+05:30

I remember the water
Of times a while ago
Drunkenness
Fun and happiness
Even an ounce of achievement.

Have the tides changed?
The water has changed
This time it’s different
The moments have changed
And so have the feelings.

The songs have returned
Memories of old times
And so have the words
Like the speedometer
Of old times –
I love the trivialities
That made me

I want to return
To what made me
Leave this superficiality
That’s disrupting my life
Not contributing
To its constructiveness.

What pseudo-depth
Is this path
That I try
To tread upon.
I do love you.
Take care.
Good night.

Sorrow

2010-04-01T23:37:00.001+05:30

Old times
Ignite
The mind
Of moments
Immemorial
Familiar thoughts
An uncomfortable silence
Of elements and sorts
Oh mother
Oh brother
These emotions
Are there
But not to share
A lost
Loneliness
No belonging
Care, trust
Disconnect
Cast away
On an island
Where serenity
Brings with it
An impending doom
And I’m waiting
For that change
So that it may take me
With it. Forever.

Transitions

2010-04-01T23:27:00.002+05:30

The tears are here,
No one to wipe them –
Let me go home,
To something familiar

It’s a bright night
Filled with negativity
The dance floor is filled
With empty minds of sorrow

Where do I go from here?
How do I get a shoulder to cry upon?
Something that is mine,
That I would never have to question

The music will be my friend
For tonight
As it was a few years ago
Beautiful in all the grief

I love thee life
But sometimes there is a doubt
Is there something more to it?
Is this just the end?
Or just the beginning?

Senses

2010-03-29T09:45:00.001+05:30

Hobbies instruments life
Guitars cameras space
Lights sound action
Real fake and illusion.

Noble inglorious benign
Scary trivial sorry
Naïve stupid sweet
Scent sight stir.

Despondency Theory

2010-03-29T09:28:00.001+05:30

The Lord Gave, and the Lord Hath Taken Away. Job 1:21

Over the past couple of years, my belief in Providence has steadily increased. And this surprises me, considering the fact that I’m not one of those who resigns to fate (generally) and lets things happen. I’d like to believe that I am in control of my own destiny through the actions and processes that I partake in, through everyday life.

We all have dreams: Big dreams, small dreams, silly dreams, curious dreams and even obnoxious dreams. Dreams about stuff that you wouldn’t expect to happen. Dreams about things that you don’t give importance to or care about. Through the course of time, I believe that God gives a preview of what these dreams would be in reality. And it’s the most fascinating and terrible thing that can materialize. Imagine that you had thought of something a month ago and suddenly those sequences of events actually occur. I do not mean this in a prophetic manner or in a way that some people claim to see the future. No. These are just mere thoughts. Thoughts of dreams.

It’s funny when this happens. Why? Primarily because I believe that I am in control with my life. Therefore, if these events do occur, then I tend to believe that I am in fact the cause of these events (which in most cases may not entirely or even partially be true). And then you dream more. If the first set of dreams are called the “what if” dreams, then these can be categorized as the “what if-not” dreams. And by now you get what I’m saying and where I may be going with this. I hope I know where I’m going with this. Yes, so the “what if-not” dreams come true as well. But these were not meant to come true. They were the bad ones, the ones that arise out of insecurity and fear. Dreams come true. There is no filtering process.

That’s how life comes to a full circle. Not just one. A bunch of concentric circles. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh.

When Things Don't Go Right

2010-03-16T14:58:00.000+05:30

To be alive again,
Happy again
Simple again
Petty again
Chirpy again
Enjoy again
Have a spirit again –
Seems like a long lost dream.

Seasons of Change

2010-03-09T21:41:00.002+05:30

Walking into a sullen day breeze,
A perfect dusk ray streams;
Through the leafless autumn trees -
Which are dancing in static ease.

Summer burns down your parched throat
A yellow car, a purple tee seems so bright
Sweat beads, like dew drops ornament the face -
While you wait to gain what you've lost today.

It's time for many layers now
The misty mornings so cold and light,
Urging for that extra time in bed;
To cuddle, snuggle and feel good again.

Now the beauty of the world is at its peak
The flowers give up their hide-and-seek;
Colours, picturesque sky and bouncy soul -
Soon you'll realize its time to go back once more.

Dusk

2010-02-04T17:07:00.001+05:30

The sun raises his hat,
To say – Good evening;
The moon is too shy tonight;
It’s a starlit new-moon night.

High Tales

2010-01-30T19:58:00.002+05:30

Colours, lazers throbbing –
An outer space world, mysteries
Skyscrapers vanity and heaven
Floating in air, around.

Bloody tears in a careless world
Blue eyes don’t define the
Beauty of who you are
Smile, of angelic thoughts
You will not revolt.

My angel, who you are –
Unleashed I am, way afar
Will you be mine forever?
Or would you just be another?

Living in a lifeless white town –
Whore: you pay for emotions –
You are always in my current state
Would you cry? Craving for mine...

These trees guard us –
But do they from themselves?
They seem harmless, yet intimidating
A garden of hope; a life scarily divine.

My state, of slowness
Pouring out from my eyes
Embracing your reality
Steady and clandestine

I’m scared. Am I?
Of your faded innocence
Of these thundering footsteps
This gothic music?

But everything will stop throbbing soon
And the colours won’t hurt again
All is not lost yet,
There’s room for improvement, honey:
Stay, always, on this side of the line.

Memories and Emotion

2010-01-30T19:49:00.001+05:30

Tripping in the sands of time;
There’s a nothingness in my eyes.
The beat of the heart –
Getting louder, faster;
The call has begun.

As the music gets louder
And the images wearier,
Know that this will be a spiral
Of the never ending-ness
The light has shone.

The sacred and the scarred notes,
And the colours sublime
Immerse the moment with memories
Of memories of joy and sorrow;
The thought is gone.

Lost in a life unknown,
Waiting for familiar times
Of clarity and isolation;
Repentance and sorrow –
A new beginning is not afar.

Inundated in incoherence
Waiting, watching
The beats counting my silence
Are controlling my thought
Where is my shining diamond?

The clean air of warmth
Beckons with endearing grace
And everything will make sense
With the power of hindsight,
Alas! That’s not tonight.

Liberation

2010-01-26T18:10:00.001+05:30

Dark clouds
Silhouettes
The moonlight in my eye.

A rain dance
A pagan belief
Someone lost in time.

A broken mind
Mirrors of illusions
Thrown in the sky.

Beliefs shattered
Arrogance humbled
Ether so divine.

What is in the air?
Putrefaction
Purge me of these sins.

Restlessness
Is there action in inaction?
Or simple pseudo-intellectual thought?

Challenging beliefs
That are unknown
Lost in religion and science.

Morbid frustration
Bloody red eyes
Encumbered for time to come.

Bound, yet rational
Free, yet clogged
This stained innocence of being.

A soul
Lost in the vicissitudes
Of the search.

Search to be the Being
That is not this
Rather, This.

Higher
Unconscious
Fighting with the sub-conscious.

Two beings
Shrouded in mystery
Under one head.

Duality is not simple
It exists
Only for you to find.

The Malefic Sculptor

2010-01-24T10:28:00.000+05:30

When it’s finally ready –
The world will stare and wonder
How? Why? The hands of fate
That chose to make
Weaved its magic
Into a treacherous legerdemain –
And carved this stone
Into something so beautiful;
And then gave it life
Only to deceive
With its lustrous marble stone
And prevail over good
Kill and take over
Claim and not give back
Be loved and not love back.

When the world looks
At your gorgeous emerald eyes –
They’ll sigh in pity
That something so enchanting
Had to, unfortunately, go bad
To what end?
To bring balance to the world?
Or to gratify its own vengeance?

But when it comes to peace again –
And the world is benevolent once more;
They’ll look at you like an Ancient Greek God
Of Wrath and Anger
And probably even pray.
Then you should know that it was not you
But me, the sculptor who created you
With my circuitous fingers
That instilled this power of magic into you
But no one knows me;
And so, I will rule again.

New Day, New Life

2010-01-03T17:35:00.001+05:30

Darkness abounds
And the familiar eyes of a hazy sky
With perfect streetlights
And fast-paced cars –
Stares in wonder;
Waiting to be embraced,
Or loathed.

So near yet so far,
Physical distance does play a part
Flirting like a joker
With eyes alight
Beckoning with strange signs
Suddenly minutes move like days
And seconds like hours.

Indifference to the very sight
Ignorance to the might
Of your wrath.
A craving for reality
In all that familiarity
Touch, taste, sound
Friendship, love and beyond.

Stable thought
Cumbersome action
Progressively deteriorating
In to the sands of another world
Inundated with experiences
Of the treacherous world
Now all gone numb.

And the luxury of happiness
Radiates from prettiness
Although troubles plunder
The analgesic called love
Will intoxicate the soul
For time immemorial
Again – so close, yet so far.

Christmas Night

2009-12-26T03:24:00.002+05:30

It’s Christmas night; how beautiful. The cool weather of Bangalore, the company of friends and all that happy stuff, right!

No! So I’m at home right now. Not exactly on my bed, but close to it – on a mattress next to it – my bed can accommodate only two people you see. But there’s only one person on it tonight. A couple of my friends decided to stay over tonight after a rather heavy session of drinking for them. I’m rather sober which is why I’m rambling on like this right now. I’m the last man standing, you see. Not standing even, kicking and making noise.

No! I’m not the one who makes noise when I’m slightly drunk. I’m not the kind of person who wakes up the whole city when there’s this happy stuff in my body. No! I just like to sleep and wake up the next day, feeling happy that not too much went wrong the previous night and that I’d be fine, sooner or later. But I’m feeling funny tonight.

Why? I can hear snoring from the bathroom. I can hear snoring from the bed as well. But the bed is still acceptable; I can see a living human being who is tired and will wake up early tomorrow morning. The other person, however, went into the bathroom to speak on the phone and I thought all would be fine. In the mean time, I called up my dear one even.

But things were not to be okay. Just when I was about to switch off the lights, I wondered what took so long for a conversation to get over in the bathroom. Soon I realized that it was not a conversation, rather, a snore. Now I panicked. I knocked.

Understandably, after a while, even my brother and father woke up to help me in waking up this friend of mine who was fast asleep in the bathroom. I kept giggling from time to time (for no reason apparently!). And the others went back to sleep telling me that everything would be fine the next morning.

I was still worried. And I still am! I currently hear two snores. One from the bed next to me. That’s acceptable. What about the one emanating from the bathroom. How? Why? I tried calling on his phone. I tried kicking on the door. But to no avail. This is turning out to be quite amusing. And I’ve lost my sleep over it.

Let’s see what happens. Tomorrow morning would definitely be an amusing day!!

Scattered Thoughts

2009-12-21T22:30:00.000+05:30

I believe my lies,
The truth that I am
Illusions of dreams
Images of reality.

Thoughts of another life,
Mirrored in the past;
Evolution in the sight
Of a simple thought in mind.

Rebellion on convention
Anger on preconceived notions
Love for rationality
And life with divine intervention.

Another day, another mind
Hands and feet
Roads and rhymes
Rhythm and song.

Smoke this cigarette,
Drink this alcohol,
Send this joint
And stage one will be back again.

Two Face

2009-12-21T22:10:00.000+05:30

Torn between two lives,
Of contentment and joy
Or perseverance and excellence;
Creativity and freedom
Or monotony and solitude

Blessed with choice,
But not with balance –
For one’s loss is another’s gain:
An identity revealed,
A passion redeemed.

When I’m here,
I long for the other;
Fresh memories of a land
And possible times
That bring along with it, wondrous opportunities.

But then, what about the other?
Is it not meant to be?
Even if it was to be “The One”;
But realization didn’t dawn,
Until it became a faded and jaded remembering

Ultimately, hard work beats talent
When talent does not work hard;
Lazy interest does not hold
The keys to El Dorado
Or the fortune cookies to happiness.

And again:
Persevere, suffer
Observe, gain
Analyze, retain
Live, Love.

Love

2009-12-15T00:19:00.001+05:30

What is love?
A familiar touch of grass,
A pretty sight of the snow-clad mountains –
Or a fragrant smell of the hibiscus?

What is love?
The rules of the father,
Care of the mother
And concern of a sister?

What is love?
A force of nature
That brings us together;
Despite our differences?

What is love?
Mellifluous music –
A smile of a child on a bad day;
Or the hug of a long lost friend?

What is love?
Tender fingers holding you;
With a cherubic smile –
And an endearing embrace?

What is love?
Midnight conversation,
That makes your day –
Smitten by everything that is you.

What is love?
Falling asleep;
To the lilt of her voice
Playing in your head.

Love is:
When you cannot leave,
Someone that you want, even need –
To an extent that surprises you.

Hands

2009-11-30T16:18:00.002+05:30

Swish! Those magic fingers,
Expression like your very eyes;
Stories you narrate
Eager hands in all their might.

Bright nails shimmering in the light,
Beauty in the very sight
Of your vim and vigour
And zest for life.

Avoiding gaze
Cherubic cheeks gleaming
Intoxicating aroma
Under bright moonlight.

The infectious smile
Brightening each new day
Casts a spell on me
Like I’ve never been before.

Laughter cries
And all the ignorance blinds,
These moments with your highness –
Are intense and sublime.

Playfulness, like a little child
Embodiment of perfection
Warmth in every drift
Sweetness divine.

Shadow and Light

2009-11-20T04:43:00.002+05:30

There’s a dark spot
In the blinding room –
Waiting to ignite
And burn eternally.

There’s a tear of hope
On the candle of love
Radiant sunshine
Blistering through pessimism.

These actions and sentiments
Of perception and ignorance
Are so infantile
Futile and benign.

Linear and cyclical behaviour
Shroud the innards
Of a coveted mind
And a wasted body.

There is no train
No smoke to breathe
The air so pure –
But not for you and me.

The words will be churned
In other forms, yet again
Meaningless and sublime
Of Earth and other ranges.

Pointless
Meaningless
Banter.
Incessant.

Flow
Breathe
Feel
Emerge.

State of Being

2009-11-08T21:24:00.002+05:30

I don’t associate myself with this state. I can’t. How is it that the physical state can pose so many constraints to others? Judge me. Based on my appearance, skin-colour, and clothes I wear. So skin-deep.

I’m sitting in this room, waiting for another day to come and go. Doing what I have to do, so that I can eventually do what I want to do. Why? Is this a social norm?

Looking out, passing judgment ever so quickly. Arrogance. You’re beneath me. That’s why you’ll never understand me. Or the state I am in. I am only here because it’s more acceptable to the both of us this way.

The shackles have made me a mortal. A weak one. All that is left is time to pass by. You and I will never be the same again. You enjoy this white lie. As if life were a masquerade party.

These relationships seem so inane and mundane. Why do we crave for more?

You’re covered in a smear of superficiality. Just to fit in a crowd of faces. But remember the faces are only going to melt away.

And then you’ll be alone. And start all over again...

A Day in the Life of

2009-11-05T11:09:00.001+05:30

A trick on the mind
That happiness creates;
It links it to precedence
And long lost times.

A sickness reminds
Of better times in bed
Of comfort and care
Love and life.

Monotonous work life
Brings upon realization
That there’s nothing more significant
Than a consoling shoulder.

The pointless banter
Is so much better when it’s about fun
Rather than a failed mission
Of something so inconsequential.

This life
Has to be enjoyed;
Learn to cry
But learn also, to live.

Change of Tides

2009-10-30T12:22:00.001+05:30

You’re no more in control, no –
So don’t think that you are.
There’s no convention anymore.
No pride or any prejudice thus far.

Her hands are beside you, surround you;
As you’re stuck in the corner by the wall,
As she leans in ever so slowly
While you’re frozen under her flesh.

Her breath on your neck,
Her palm on your arm
Her bosom on your torso
And those seductive looks shot.

What disposition?
Of such pleasant surprise
And you’re too afraid to react
After all, you’ve lost all control.

Soft
Tender
Mild
Loving

Caring
Sensitive
Thoughtful
Kind

Now her lips are in yours
As you spin together skywards
Eyes closed
Straight to heaven.

Her fingers running through your hair
While her arms rest on your shoulders,
You’re holding her so tight
Her luscious hair in your fingertips

But be afraid –
For she might slip out like sand;
The tighter you hold her
And all will be lost.

As you separate now –
All worldly things are visible again;
But your eyes in hers
And hers in yours

What do you call it?
Where do you go from here?
This good night –
Will change life forever.

To Heaven and back (again)

2009-10-30T12:07:00.001+05:30

“If you’ve already heard all the songs by an artist, why would you go?”

“It’s fun?!”

“But in the case of a man like Tommy Emmanuel – it’s not like there’s energy or head banging. You may as well listen to him at home right? It’s just the music!”

“It’s not for the music. It’s for the expression of music.”

He was greeted to an enthusiastic crowd as he walked out – all smiles! As soon as he started the first song, there was a stunned silence as everyone’s eyes concentrated on the form under the lights. The sound of the guitar enveloped the entire concert hall into a trance. It was magic. Beyond magic. Here was a man – Tommy Emmanual – who was born just to play the guitar; the acoustic guitar. The expression of his music – from his heart, to the hearts of the audience. An emotional ride of two hours that unfortunately had to come to an end, but not before an encore!

Tommy Emmanuel has evolved from an artist to an entertainer; and in his own words, “There is some music thrown in, to this comedy show.” A man with not only a great sense of humour but also has a kind and loving heart to make songs such as beautiful as Angelina. His show was filled with all the classics – Mombasa, Angelina, Tall Fiddler, Classical gas, Moonriver, Michelle, a Beatles medley including – Here comes the sun and Day Tripper. He threw in his classic blues stuff as well – Nine pound hammer as one of them. He finished with an absolutely marvellous and inspirational rendition of somewhere over the rainbow as the encore song.

It was quite fantastic how he could toy with the emotions of the audience. It was not all about the jokes, as he shared some of his stories which brought a tear to the eye. He sang a profound song without his guitar, which brought the goose bumps.

All in all, a second trip to heaven and back. The first one was with Maneesh, about a year ago.

The line of the night had to be, “This guitar is so hot, it needs two cables!”

Wishes

2009-10-26T23:16:00.000+05:30

I wish you were a firefly –
Awake at night to light up my small, little world;
I wish you were a tortoise –
To show me around this world slowly

I wish you were a dog –
Who’d remain faithful till the very end;
I wish you were a giraffe –
So you could get the bigger picture.

I wish I could be with you
So that I could experience something different in life,
I wish these times were true –
And that my words were sincere.

Sometimes I lie to you,
But then I cry and regret that–
I did it to you.
It was after all, just you.

I wish you were not an angel –
So that you could be a mortal like me;
I wish you weren’t perfection –
So that you are attainable.

Now you wouldn’t let me know;
What’s really going on below
And I’m left pondering
About life without you.

Discrimination – Culture and Race

2009-10-25T21:03:00.000+05:30

If there’s one thing I’ve begun to understand after a year and a half in SMU – its racism. Funny when Russell Peters talks about Chinese and Indian accents, and political when Lee Hsien Loong speaks about “cultural integration”; that’s the scope of the topic. A friend who recently got back from London said – “Dude, they say that London is multicultural and what-not. All bullshit. At the end of the day, you just want to hang out with a desi, who can really understand you and accept you for the “ghaat” you are rather than you pretend to be someone you’re not.”

Why is it that despite this time of globalization and harmonious integrity of societies in New York, London and Singapore, and “cosmopolitization” of the world, that we have biases based on colour, language, religion and culture?

For one thing, it has to do with stereotyping, some of which are very arbitrary. For instance, a Chinese friend of mine recently asked me if I wanted to go for a swimming competition. I raised an eyebrow and said that I could probably stay afloat, but was not a good swimmer. He then said, “Oh yeah. Indians are bad swimmers right? But you must be able to run very fast. Indians can run very fast!” And I was aghast, trying to process this bit of information in whatever way possible. How is that even remotely logical or rational?

It’s just that we feel we are more connected to people of the same place. For instance, I feel a certain sense of connection when I speak to fellow Bangaloreans in Singapore and even talk about roads, pubs and what-not in Bangalore. There’s something in common that I have with that person and so I can relate to that person. But why should that even matter? Does that mean that I can be best friends with a Singaporean person once I’ve known Singapore well enough? Based on my perceptions right now, probably not. Therefore, California or Cape Town, the Indians will still hang out primarily with Indians, the Chinese with fellow Chinese, the Koreans with fellow Koreans, the Filipinos with fellow Filipinos, and now you get the general drift of where this is going.

Also, based on the culture you belong to, you do certain things in a certain way. And only fellow culture-mates will get that. That’s another commonality. So they get you quirks more than others do. It’s just hard to digest the fact that despite having so much in common as humans, we seek for so much more and group ourselves into small clusters and that has a domino effect and thus we’re never really exposed to a “human globalization”. Despite being in a place like SMU, which boasts of being school to students from over 13 countries, I feel as much of an Indian as just another Bangalorean.

Another interesting thing I don’t get though is intra-cultural bias. A classic one was about this one chap who was going out with one girl. I know it can’t get more vague than that, but it is in their best (and my own too) that their identities be concealed. I heard a lot about the guy, who is a South Indian; how “monstrous” he is and how “coloured” he is and what not. I was rather surprised by these references and didn’t pay much heed to it. I just realized that I actually met the chap a few weeks ago and I would definitely not choose those adjectives to describe him. He’s a great chap and I was happy to get along with him. It just goes to show the differences that persist even in a country like India – with the North and South.

Will racism ever end? Can we ever be more open to people and judge them on such trivial counts? In an age where the caste system is frowned upon, we have biases based on colour and skin-colour! A pitiful state of the world.

A Night's Dream

2009-10-20T23:40:00.001+05:30

There’s a pretty white light shining in my head,
Keeping the wondrous thoughts alive;
Long lost sentiments and emotions –
Seem to flash like it were yesterday.

There’s such a light feeling in the air,
So much in the air –
As if nothing to worry about it,
Amidst all the pain.

Droopy eyes can still be energetic,
Wanting to see the world –
For there’s so much more to the world
Than humble waste of sleep.

But don’t worry about the tears flowing,
There’s up and down –
It’s but a cycle in life
Don’t resist this casual vent.

Let the music be seen;
And the colours heard –
And feel relieved again;
For there’s no expectation again.

No love,
No greed,
Satiated
With time and life.

Time Flies

2009-10-11T03:03:00.001+05:30

Being the narcissist that I am (which I haven’t been for a while, surprisingly), I was going through my three year old blog to see how the physical and mental being is progressing in these walks of life. Unsurprisingly, I never cease to amuse myself. The good old pseudo-intellectual days when I thought that I knew everything about life and the words of wisdom which included – “There is no reality in this world” came back to me with such force.

To be honest, it’s not going well. Yes, even by my standards. I seem to have lost more than I’ve ever gained over all this time although I’ve never been on such a “high” before in my life. It’s plausibly because of that even. Sitting in a different part of the world, although not too far away from home; I realize that things have changed and become awry beyond recognition. My beliefs, values, motives, inspirations, senses and music even.

Everything seemed so multi-dimensional although I was in a linear society in a constricted school environment with little latitude for creativity or so-called improvisation. Three years later, I sit here in a culturally diverse community, with so much scope for travel and “improvisation” and I am leading a linear life. The irony called life.

Thought still clouded. Rationality still bounded. Figuring out right and wrong. Altering it. Amused by it.

And life seems to move in circles within circles. So the combinations are so vast that change, though detestable, is almost inevitable.

So, here’s what I am. From what I used to be. Less than full. Never complete. Underprepared. Hopeful. For another day. For the last time.

Our World

2009-10-04T22:52:00.000+05:30

What a narrow world we live in:
No scope for thought without bow and arrow
No time to wonder about different things
No time to think and wonder - why?

What a selfish world we live in:
The hustle and bustle for personal gain
The friendly everyday smile is gone
Only to be replaced by this struggle.

What an unhappy world we live in:
No satisfaction in the work we do,
Only prejudice in the games we play
No emotion in the way we behave.

What a loveless world we live in:
It’s all about the green,
Sometimes the material
Or even just a little bit of grass.

There’s more to go on about this world:
But we’re here anyway
Let’s not waste time bickering –
Smile, hug and live life as it is!

Red Menace

2009-10-04T22:51:00.000+05:30

Woman in red, all so insecure –
Waiting for a call, or a simple line;
Looking anxiously at all the friends
Who have someone or something to share.

Hey girl, why so bright tonight?
What’s all the attention for?
Is it for some company?
Or just some social cause!

Hey pretty thing, you don’t need this
You don’t need to be one in the crowd, by standing out
Don’t cry for the eyes, you will be happy
When the one who has to spot you, gives you the look.

Or is it just about a fun night together?
That would be forgotten the next morning
Of unspoken expression and lack-lustre emotion
Hey lady in red, what are you playing at?

My Experience with Thaumaturgy

2009-09-10T22:16:00.000+05:30

I’ve never had magic performed “on” me before. I’ve always thought there’s a rational explanation behind all the mumbo-jumbo that happens on TV, be it David Blaine or Criss Angel. Today was however different.

After a rather uninspiring class of International Economics, I met the legendary Mr. Shiv Whorra for a couple of drinks. The usual social banter led from music to gossip in SMU. And I was duly asked what controversial issues I had heard about Shiv, which I honestly replied to. I was not aware of anything, except of a vague story which apparently involved him eating Nutella out of the gutter (which he denied) and him being a magician. He smiled when I mentioned the latter and asked me for my wallet. Hesitatingly, I pulled it out.

He pulled out a rather unimportant visiting card and drew a box on it. Then, he asked me to write a name of a person with whom I had some emotional attachment. Being the convoluted person that I am, I wrote a name and folded the card promptly, to conceal the identity. Shiv did not take the card subsequently, rather, asked me to hold it in one hand and squeeze his hand with the other. I promptly did so and nothing happened. I chuckled. He then asked me to go and write down the first letter of the person’s name and circle it and fold the card. I did so. Now I was told to concentrate on the letter and press his hand. Since I held his hand tight, there were red marks which formed. And as he rubbed it, the letter appeared. Frankly, I was flabbergasted.

The alcohol only added to the trip. He did another fantastic min-reading trick (if you will) which involved him flipping through the pages of a book. When I told him to stop, he would open the page only so that I could see it, ask me to remember a word and actually tell the word. It was ethereal.

Malini joined us and I pleaded with him to do the same for her. The desired results were seen! And interestingly, he told me that perceptions of facts can be altered by this technique. It made me ponder upon the basis of the statement. Can something seemingly so benign actually be so powerful? Is the mind so susceptible to physical alterations that create seemingly supernatural instances in time? Are we all so dependent on our senses?

I would like to think not, but it was something really cool I witnessed today!

Raindrops

2009-08-30T18:55:00.001+05:30

The Gods are crying today –
They’ve been at it from early morn,
It’s causing quite a ruffle
On this otherwise pleasant Sunday night.

A few droplets were all it took,
To give a great flu,
A few more
And you’ll have a headache too.

The parks are flooded
So are your ankles –
Step carefully onto that puddle
Don’t create a big farce.

Don’t cry about the heat when it stops
Or wonder about the ragged humidity
It’s all a package, don’t you know?
To keep you in, safe and cold.

Enjoy the frigid interiors
Of a small cold town
Wondering what it would take
To get back home.

All petty things,
Seem like a misery
Water droplet,
Don’t be a big old magnifying glass.

And then the day will end –
With your voice lost in the rain;
A blanket comes out from the cupboards,
No more cooling, you need to be warm.

The grey skies are reminiscent,
Of the days when there was love,
And then it was lost.
And your eyes get puffed up in pain.

The time it was cool once more,
But it couldn’t be of any matter –
It was the first time her hand was in yours
And it just happened to slip away.

And the mounting pressure of your fellow ants,
Will crush you sooner or later –
Or will you survive
And watch yourself win?

Day leads to night to the birth of a new sun,
And there’s hope which deters,
For another day is lost –
With nothing in hand or sight.

Work mounting,
Eyelids drooping –
It’s a brand new year;
And you’re not up for it.

Take your time;
Build it all up;
Give it your best shot,
And don’t care about the rest.

The rain will finally stop,
And love will be found again;
But for now, don’t be a cynic –
Just smile and have fun.

Those Last Few Moments

2009-08-21T03:53:00.001+05:30

The only reason I look forward to going to Singapore is to achieve something – something that I want and can be, rather than resign to the mediocrity of what I am now.

Passing through the serpentine streets of Bangalore for yet another “last time”, (which would last about three and a half months!), I thought of all the things I did and didn’t do for one last time.

I remember losing my phone and wallet that had caused a lot of distress in the beginning of the holidays. And vague memories of places in high altitudes. Some memories have been marred by intoxication of ethanol which didn’t allow for much retention.

As for the things I didn’t do – trivial pursuits and cravings like wanting to eat at the renowned Brahmins Coffee Bar – never materialized. No go karting or paintballing was quite a shame as well considering the fact that I was in Bangalore for three out of the four months of holidays.

I now pass Opus and I remember the gig that happened there. Acoustic reverberations with Illuminati. And a private bus whizzes by – the escapades to Bellary that I shared with Ravish come to mind! Those long trips to attend classes from the fantastic Mr. Trinity. Again, unfortunately, I was able to attend only three of the,.

I wanted to join the gym but, alas! I ended up spending all money on bottles (and crates even) of inglorious spirit. I ended up weighing much more than before the four months, thanks to the routine trips to Bhumika bar, Apoorva Dhaba and RCW. Not to mention Venky’s killer “pad” as well! So no more UB beer, or even water beer for that matter. Or paneer chilli and egg pakoda!

But all this sounds like the noise of a whining child in some temporary depression. As if I’m going to die once I step onto that flight to Singapore. Not true. It’s just that things get so busy that a social life is somewhat hard to come by, especially if you’ve had a hyperactive one prior to it.

It’s fascinating that thoughts and emotions run wild at the mere thought of change. So much is changing every time I meet my friends – how will things span out in the future?

This is probably the first and last time that I’ll have such a beautiful four months to myself. And even if I did have another one, it’d pass by so quickly anyway.

And after the sudden outburst,
It would all subside –
Not out of contentment or joy
Just quietened by the numbing space.

No colour will be perceived,
The donkey’s load not felt;
No hands, no feet,
No heart, no mind.

A void created, with resentment seeping
And helplessness shining through the night;
The day will bring with it a new town –
Not mine; but I’ll have to put up anyway.

And like this the words will go on,
Strong in emotion and weak in meaning –
I’ll scream it out anyway
Till there’s some might left in me.

Mother

2009-08-19T19:40:00.005+05:30

A happy birthday she’d sing for you at midnight,
Her love lucid through the clear sky –
Singing for good health; kissing you good night
I hope I can live up to her life.

She’d make you feel so happy;
Even after the worst fight –
She’ll give you a hug when you’re angry
And make you feel sorry for all that spite.

She’d cook your favourite meal in five,
When you come early in the day –
Despite all the aches she’d muster a smile
Mother! Oh mother! You bring a tear to my eye.

She’s busier than an ant –
While nobody bothers to notice how much she does
And when you think about it;
You’d think where did she get all that time?

Mother! Oh mother! You should teach in college –
Probably an operations class –
On time management;
But the students would never be able to do it,
Until the girl has a child.

And finally you’ll realize her value;
When all the work piles up –
And you wonder, “How did she manage all this?”
She would have done that at a ripe old age
What you wouldn’t be able to do with the zest of a child.

Mother – let me tell you today,
How much I love you!
You’re the greatest person in my life –
I hope I’d someday be able to take care of you
The way you’ve taken care of me!

Leaving, Again

2009-08-14T22:10:00.002+05:30

It’s that time of the year again when blogging suddenly seems to be the most interesting and useful pastime around. There has never been a dull moment over the past four months and I have definitely been very high on life (and alcohol most of the time!). It’s not the first time that I’m saying goodbye to all the fantastic people that I’ve been fortunate to be associated with, but ironically it seems to be getting harder every time.

Myriad possibilities lie ahead in the new semester that looms vaguely in the future time-space. Most significant among them will be the music scene which seems to be rather upbeat at the moment. And it’s always (or most of the times atleast) wonderful to meet new people and do interesting new courses that last only twelve classes in a semester. And believe you me, twelve is an innocuous number considering the fact that I used to have two math "lectures" in a day during the good old engineering days!

Looking back through the holidays though: it’s been a really fascinating journey. I’ve had the privilege of meeting some wonderful people, going to picturesque places and enjoying the various gifts of life. Some of the highlights were the times I shared stage with one of the biggest live acts from Bangalore – Illuminati. Ravish taught me how to hold a guitar and play the first three chords I ever learnt – G, D, C and now I share the stage with him. It has been a great honour, although I always have this unnerving feeling that I never did deserve the opportunity. Oddly enough, I’m stuck playing the same three chords every time I pick up a guitar!

I was able to travel to Uttarakhand of which I gave a very dull and overtly descriptive review. I also went to the great land of Chennai which was not a particularly pleasant experience. Other “experiences” were those of sitting in various interestingly named bars drinking local liquor which is always pleasurable when coupled with exceptional company.

And of course, the evident “scenes” with the girl about whom some amateurish prosaic poetry was written. I really liked her when I did, and she remained elusive.

It was great to get close to some of the people who have thus far remained as acquaintances in my life. I sincerely look forward to meeting them in December when I get back from yet another session in Singapore.

Meanwhile, the case in Singapore seems to be quite interesting. I’m unsure of my accommodation there at the moment, the default option being that I will end up in my uncle’s place; some seven MRT stops away from school. That’s not a particularly dulcet thought. Coupled with that is the fact that I’m pushing it by doing 5.5 course units this term – some seemingly interesting, others outright boring. Those subjects include – Computers as an Analysis Tool, International Economics, Management of People at Work, Business Processes, Foundation in Corporate Communications and Finishing Touch. I just hope that I don’t end up completely hopeless after all these courses (or that my GPA ends up that way!)

On the upside, I decided not to carry my beautiful red Strat which means that I’d be getting a brand new (second hand) guitar – again! That definitely will lift the spirits up once I get home every day.

So that’s that. A lot of mixed emotions but I will definitely miss Bangalore. And this time I won’t have the Bangalorean company that I had in the hostel last time, to talk about the good times and Old Monk and what-not.

A big thank you to all those who made this trip so memorable and pleasurable for me; I don’t think I’ll ever have another vacation like this, thanks to summer terms and/or internships. But for now, December is just a few months away. The New Year is going to be a blast!

Duality

2009-08-10T08:31:00.000+05:30

The principle of duality seems

Too good to be true;

Just as you wouldn’t “fall” for

A person with a deceptive facade,

For all the bogus smile and laugh;

You shouldn’t fall for one

With the most sincere one as well

Just as charming and beautiful as it

May perceivably be

The inside could be fake anyway.

Ah! Wondrous duality!

Melancholic Spout

2009-08-10T07:27:00.001+05:30

I’m hurting today
And you know that I am;
I’ve told you so
Just as I always have.

You have always known,
When I’m smiling
Or have tears of joy;
But you have never told me of yours.

You’ve been hiding behind
Clouds and the morning fog
Not ready ever
To be read by a mere mortal.

And all that you have to offer
Is a simple sentence
That you are not ready
And that you’ve been hurt.

When would you realize
That you’ve stabbed me over
A thousand times,
And counting till today...

Time, Love and Hopelessness

2009-08-04T10:58:00.001+05:30

Everyday seems like a memory
Of past yesterdays
Waiting for you in the dark
While you were getting drenched
In wonderful rain afar

Every hour may build a wall
Of stones in time
And soon my face will be forgotten
While I cling onto the edge
Grappling with an unfair world

It’s probably better
To have never loved
Than to have loved and lost
To think of you
And what I would never have.

A few have I seen in the past
And many will be probably see
But none will compare to you
Such unfathomable radiance
A muse, only much more

If only I knew what to do:
To stop feeling desperately in love
Stop waiting for the lovely hand in mine
The glow of your skin
The aimless banter about feet

But all is not lost
There is still some hope and will
Every breath until the last
Will I pursue in solitude
And then maybe you’d be mine!

Angels and Illusions – II

2009-08-04T10:50:00.000+05:30

There was a time when I looked into your eyes
And felt as if the world would never come by.
There was a time when we held hands,
And I wished for time to stand still.

There was a time when you smiled at me
And there was a spark in your eyes,
I thought it meant – Wait a while,
And it’d be alright!

But now you say: All that meant nothing,
And those signs were not meant to be read.
All this is a farce
And tomorrow’s just another beginning.

Now I’m left waiting for a late goodbye,
Crying myself to sleep every night;
The memories are dead inside
I’m waiting for my dreams to come alive.

To My Penguin: The Addled Princess

2009-07-19T19:16:00.000+05:30

You made me smile, dear penguin,
After a long, long time.
And all these tears were wiped away;
As if I got another change.

But you went away,
Never said goodbye;
Left me in pain,
What do you say?

Oh princess,
Tell me your stories
So I could help you,
Or walk away
In the dark
All alone
Without you.

It seems so hard,
To see a world without you;
Although it was just yesterday,
That we said “Hello”, for the first time...

But you went away,
Never said goodbye;
Left me in pain,
What do you say?

Oh princess,
Tell me your stories
So I could help you,
Or walk away
In the dark
All alone
Without you.

Last time I saw your cherubic eyes,
The world stood still, we sang lullabies
But all was over before it began;
Smiling angel, you made me cry.

Not another day, not another change
Nothing but a mirage in the sky,
No stories told, all bottled up –
Penguin don’t you know that you can’t fly?

Midnight Musing

2009-07-19T17:31:00.002+05:30

For how long will you
Look and the world and
Not wonder how
It works?

Tired, sleepy eyes
And a wishful smile
Your ignorance
Is not like bliss anyway.

Each new morning
You wake up as if
It’s a new beginning
Only to realize the truth.

There is no beginning
No end in sight,
So you don’t need a discrete point
To make a fresh start!

So bored of the morning light –
That expectation of action and spring
Out of every step taken
As if it would never get dark again.

Frigid hearts and broiled brains
Is the way to go
In a not-so-faithful world
As if it would never change.

What's Not Up

2009-07-19T17:20:00.001+05:30

It’s been a long time since I’ve been and thought rationally. We all seem to be living in our own version and interpretation of the world. Filled with its own little quirks and idealism. Lately, there has been a rather dormant emotion that’s resurfaced – a disoriented incongruousness. It’s as if no one really understands me and the way I look at the world, least of all me!

The one thing I can “relate” to is my twenty-four and a few more month old currently lying all over the place, right from in my house to the jam room.

I liked to think of myself as this intrepid warrior who was ready to conquer the world after schooling. (Which is very weird because there are absolutely no violent tendencies in me). What I’ve become is just the opposite: a fat, lazy old slob doing just another degree, waiting for it to get over, make some money and drink off it!

Is it that life itself sucks the life out of a person sometimes? It’s probably a good time for me to get a dog at home. I remember someone telling me recently, “Dogs are only for those lonely depressed American guys who don’t have anyone else for company. Besides, it would most probably shed hair all over the place man!”

Again – It’s been a long time since I’ve written something. Its absence is probably due to the fact that I haven’t been able to think rationally! Or probably because there has been so much happy stuff that’s been going around for the past month or so: the holidays have not failed to disappoint, I must say. There have been a lot of ups and uppers and a few downs along the way.

I finally got around to writing a full song. It even had a Dmaj9th chord in it. Could I be more proud? I just wish that the person who I wrote it for would listen to it sometime.

Lost Young Wisemen

2009-07-17T17:35:00.000+05:30

There’s a broken house round the corner,
Filled with sorrows and broken rings –
A young boy resides:
A saint, a pirate, a myth.

The Earth wouldn’t shake his resolve,
His determination true –
He was not like the rest of us;
His purpose was something else.

And he asks:
“Who are these mystical creatures in my head?
And what do they want from me?
Why and how do we go around like this?”

The world had several answers;
From prophets and magic-men –
What truth does anything hold?
In this land of the rising sun.

The mind is scattered –
Seething in fury
Over what?
I seem not to know.

And when it all comes down again,
It’s only a matter of time;
Before he loses himself
In his own world again.

But why is there anxiety and grief?
Is it relevant to this state?
Who decides normal, abnormal and paranormal?
In all this sand of hypocrisy.

Down and Out

2009-06-13T11:37:00.001+05:30

Inspired by Roxanne

My girl is out tonight
Won’t be back for awhile
She’s working with all the others,
Lying to me again and again.

She says she’s all tired,
Got her calls to attend to;
But she’s lying to me again
Like I’m a little child.

All it takes is a little pain –
To get up and walk
She’s dressed in all black
Mourning my death in her.

She laughs and talks
But when it comes to me,
It all turns around
And I remain – as I am.

She says I got no shame
And that she still needs her rests
Crosses her legs,
Waiting to be driven by me.

And now I’m drunk
She’ll get home soon –
Not in my bed though
She will always change.

I remember the day I met her.
The innocence in her eyes,
Faded to grey
And the red light comes on again.

Angels and Illusions

2009-06-13T11:28:00.000+05:30

There’s a time when I thought
That I’d be fine when I’m alone
And I wouldn’t need the dramas of life
To save me again.

And then the time comes,
When an angel circles my head
Picks me up from all the sins
And takes me high.

There was a spark that I saw in you
But you never replied to all the signs
I thought you’d be the one after all
But you never cared and now I’m gone.

Lonely and lost again,
In this circle of my twisted life –
Waiting for the illusion
To end all over again.

Just when I thought that the worst was to come –
You passed by – curls and smiles
And I was on a high;
Only to be higher again.

Conversations of Slow Death

2009-06-13T11:27:00.000+05:30

There’s no space for us in here, don’t you think?
Nor the endless time to wait it out
Shall we stay here and enjoy a slow death,
Or would you contemplate change?

Are we going overboard?
Is it time to stop already?
Are we living just for ourselves?
Or is there a responsible love?

The velvety moon lit sheer
Will turn gold in a while;
But our slow death lives on,
To haunt us beyond the light.

I’m the last man standing –
Complaining about all the ills
Waiting to move from pasture to city
To see the older one again!

Tonight

2009-06-04T01:48:00.001+05:30

The songs are perfect
But not your mood,
I’m sorry for being so rude.

You want me
You want him;
I don’t know why.

Yesterday
Tomorrow;
In search of better days.

You loved.
You are loving;
Such a divine being.

Life changes
And so do people
But not my love for you.

Someday
But not today.
And I wait.

I am a fool
For you
Always.

My actions
Didn’t seem wrong
Until tonight.

The Earth Song

2009-05-29T03:03:00.003+05:30

Oh yes, the landscape
The beauty of the snow-clad mountains –
The sunrise and the sunset,
Always great to watch
Amidst the rain and cold –
In a hill-top
On the roof-tops.

What we’ve got we do not see,
What we know, do we know?
Let’s wait for tomorrow –
And hope it all remains.

The new kids won’t care for it –
They’ll say -
“Let’s tear it down and
Show our wits”
Build their houses and
Cut all trees.
No more moonlight through the breeze.

They don’t see what they’ve got –
And lost it all in just a thought.
Tomorrow will come –
And nothing will be the same again.

Let’s try to save our precious little
Never take more than you give
Never take more than you give
In search for some better life.

Dear Love

2009-05-29T03:03:00.001+05:30

Dear love,
Do you know that I still think about you?
At the dead of the night –
Wondering how cute you are.

Dear love,
Do you know how much I care about you?
That it does pain me so much,
When you say you’re unwell.

Dear love,
Do you know how much I feel about you?
The lost memories of intimacy
Washed away by harsh realities.

Dear love,
Do you know how much I want to talk to you?
For all the times we spent on the phone,
Sharing the smallest details of our lives.

Dear love,
Do you know how much I miss fighting with you?
That you got angry for the little things,
That brought entertainment to my life.

Dear love,
Do you know how much you hurt me?
Although I say it’s okay,
It’s not, to speak about everything.

Dear love,
I do know that I hurt you,
And the rules are not different for me,
But I blame it on a weird phase of life.

Dear love,
Do you know how much I love you?
But with every passing moment without you,
I learn to understand –
That you’d never come back.
It will never be the same.
And with that I’d think of you again.

Daily Fare

2009-05-29T03:02:00.001+05:30

Busy streets, simple minds
Colours all around;
White, brown and pretty yellow,
All part of this simple fray.

What do you want from me?
I don’t really want that map,
Or any fancy artefact
I’m fine, all the same.

I’m just a simple agnostic
On a rough nature trail –
Haunted by the abodes of Gods
Through this time chase.

People all around,
I’m the stranger –
Just not a pretender
Bohemian and out of the mix.

Walking on the edge of the cliff,
Saying no to the sales-boys
Just know – It’s the simple things
And the little things
The daily fare
That makes the world.

Day 1: 16th May

2009-05-29T03:01:00.002+05:30

Here are my travails through Delhi and Uttarakhand. I know parts (read: most) of it would be gibberish, but this was one mind numbing and crazy experience. So please bear with it!

It’s definitely interesting when a family of five actually mobilizes itself for a family trip, what with the travelling and differences of opinion, so I thought I would blog my entire trip through the next couple of weeks to Delhi, Dehra and the pilgrim spots of Badrinath, Kedarnath and Rishikesh. It’s amusing that I can’t even remember the last time I travelled with my entire family somewhere. My brother came back to Bangalore only this year, after some 3 or 4 years and now I am in Bangalore only for the holidays. So it’s been a while.

There was the usual hubbub before any departure as it’s a rare feat that all five of us are leaving with no one to “hold fort”. The concerns ranged from forgotten toothbrushes to meals as the next meal would be only at Delhi. It was quite agonizing by the time we actually left in a commodious Toyota Innova to the airport. That was not without its aberrations as well as after being terribly loaded with fluids; I wanted to stop desperately in Coffee Day, some twenty kilometres before the airport. Although quite embarrassing to walk in and just use their toilet, I managed to do so. Anyway I am sure that that particular Coffee Day is never going to be my “adda”!

We reached the airport, where I happened to spot some quaint swamijis walk by, which was very interesting. I did see Mahesh Bhupathi casually walk by as well as some fans ran after him to take photographs with him. What (or Who actually) I also observed sauntering along were the air hostesses “handpicked personally” by Dr. Vijay Mallya – which was definitely a sight to see.

After a rather uneventful wait of munching snacks, we got into out IndiGo flight to New Delhi at 5pm. I got a bit of reading done during the journey. I bought Guy Pratt’s biography in my first sem, but got a chance to read it only now. The book, titled “My bass and other animals” is a tacky, rather humorous insight into the various bizarre and interesting experiences that he has had in his life with other famous people through his work as a bass player. One of the air hostesses, Prakruthi I think, was nice, but transpired out of much lookings! The flight was two and a half hours long and landed pretty much on time after which we taxied around the runway for a bit before parking.

We were greeted in New Delhi with a swift warm zephyr and a lot of pan-chewing police officers and a Ghajini hair styled driver. We passed the Rashtrapathi Bhavan, India Gate and the media-crowded Congress party office (who had a colossal win today) before going to the UPSC guest house for some washing up and dinner. Dinner was fabulous – rotis, jeera rice, mutter paneer, dal tadka and dum aloo finished with some butterscotch ice-cream. I know I am going into horrible specifics, but it was really enjoyable. And I am sure that your mouth would be watering if you’ve not had a meal yet!

We then drove on to the Hazrat Nizam railway station very early and therefore had to sit in the parched night heat of Delhi railway station which is not representative of India’s best, if you get my drift. Here, I watched (again) the Great Debaters for a while when the train finally arrived at some 11 20pm. We were bunched up in a nice air-conditioned compartment but unfortunately, my dad had to move to the next one as there are only four in a single compartment (a perennial problem with family outings!)

Day 2 – Dehradun

2009-05-29T03:01:00.001+05:30

The train journey was very pleasant but unfortunately, I was unable to get any sleep. And just when I was about to catch up on some sleep, it was already very close to Dehra. My mother told me to check for all my belongings – my iPod in particular – what with me losing two phones and a wallet over the span of two months. I went to wash my face and when I returned, I was reminded of the same. I assured that it was safe with me. Once I wore my shoes, I was reminded of it again, when I totally lost it. Bad start to the day.

The journey to the place we were staying – some random guest house – was mostly uneventful and upon reaching there, all I could do was crash. I woke up a couple hours later for a typical aloo paratha breakfast. We did lounge about for a bit after that.

My idea of an enjoyable holiday is spending quality time in a single place and going about sight-seeing and street-eating in your more active moments. I suspect that this holiday will be everything but that! We left at about 11am to meet one of my father’s friends who is a big-somebody at the Uttarakhand electricity board. He had a great house. After all the pleasantries, we left for Rishikesh. There was not much new to see, so I went into my reading of Mr. Pratt’s life story.

An interesting aspect of India is how different people are culturally in each state, or more broadly, in each part of India. It would definitely be fascinating to live here in Dehra for a while and interact with all these lovely people here. Everything seems so much more earthly here without the humungous crowds that haunt metropolitan cities. Interestingly, my dad happened to buy some “bainganapally” mangoes here, for some 36Rs/kilo as opposed to 50Rs/kilo in Bangalore. Thought provoking, as Hyderabad is closer to Bangalore! Nice way to explain willingness to pay, supply, demand and the likes.

I’ve been trying to listen to some very (what I’d like to call) diverse music this trip, of which Poets of the Fall is a part. I just love the arpeggiating solo that’s in the song Lift, and hopefully I will be able to play that in a few years time. Anyway, so we reached the Rishikesh GMVN guest house with me feeling extremely nauseous, after a rather quick drive. All that settled once I had an excellent lunch which consisted of everything in the menu from palak, mutter paneer, malai kofta, rotis, rice, dal, raita, parathas and the works.

After that, it was time for a good snooze after which I finally managed to have a bath. Subsequently, my family went for some aarthi at a local temple, while I watched some lick library videos and read Guy Pratt’s story. My excuse was that I couldn’t stress myself too much as there’s a lot of action coming from tomorrow.

Dinner was a similar story – room service and all.

Day 3 – Barkot - Hanumanchatti

2009-05-29T03:00:00.004+05:30

The sight of the Ganges in the early morning is like purging of all evil emotions and sentiments; especially when it is flowing right outside your room for you to gaze at. We left Rishikesh by 6 45 am – an achievement in itself – for I’ve never woken up that realy in the past three months, even for my final examinations!

The obvious problem with maintaining a daily diary is the amount of detail that is poured into it. Of course, I don’t think I’d be able to remember half of this by the time I get back home, so the details are nice. My right ear was paining because of the ear-ring and I asked my sister to remove it for me. There was a whole ambit of blood and puss that oozed out. Gross! Lucky it happened to my right ear because I could still keep the left ear-ring on. It would have been a tricky situation if it were the other way around.

It was an absolutely hideous journey to be travelling for such long hours in such crappy mountainous terrain where the Qualis seemed more like a horse! By the time we reached Barkot (Uttarkashi) at 12 20pm, I was completely exhausted and nauseous out of all the travelling. We rested there for a while and had lunch, before heading off to Hanumanchatti – a few kilometres from Yamunotri.

I must explain that this is a trip that is part of a package that is offered by GMVN (Garhwal Mandal Vikas Nigam) where these chaps try to offer a view of the entire Uttarakhand in a span of ten days. That definitely figures into the heights of impossibility – and apparently we would end up travelling around 200 kilometres every single day! It’s ridiculous that we would be spending more time squashed in a Qualis, then actually enjoying nature or whatever it is that we are supposed to be doing here.

Anyway, so we finally reached Hanumanchatti, a few minutes before 4pm. We started driving today, drove on, and on, and on, and on and finally stopped at 4 freaking pm! And this is a holiday! But I guess this is all about the experience – different cultures, languages and what not!

I must commend the work of the rugged elderly driver, who never once cowed down under the heat, dust and (quite literally) the burden of the beast (walking all over the roads). TAAQ fans have to appreciate that line, by the way!

After lounging about for a bit, we decided to go down to the river for a while as our rooms were pretty horrible. The river Yamuna was beautiful and cold (probably from all the melting ice) and was one of the high points of an otherwise glum trip so far. We sat there for a long time as a family, throwing stones and singing songs. Great time.

Returned to the ramshackle of a building where I slept for a while before getting some dinner. The cold weather is getting to me, I must say. I continued to read Pratt’s book, before trying to fall asleep.

Day 4: Yamunotri

2009-05-29T03:00:00.003+05:30

I didn’t get much sleep last night due to the rather cold weather. The weather definitely took me by surprise as it was rather hot when we reached Hanumanchatti in the afternoon. After all the morning ablutions and tea, we left for Yamunotri as early as 6am. We are still in the early stages of the trip and currently every-freaking-one is unwell. My puss-filled right ear has not healed even with a dose of aloe vera gel. I’ve also developed a cold and a sore throat. My dad has a cough, my brother – cold, my mum is just totally exhausted and my sister has a headache. So you get the general idea of the mood in the camp. Very sullen and all.

We reached the base of Yamunotri (at Janakichatti) at half past six (I think). Little was I to know that this would be one of the most life changing experiences of my life. I hope I am able to do justice to this place as there is just so much to tell about it. As soon as we got down, the five of us were crowded by different people, and we didn’t understand why.

So apparently the climb is about six kilometres by foot and is almost impossible for the weak hearted. There are four ways by which we can reach the top. The first is by a BASKET! A single guy carries the person right to the top. The second is by a palanquin, where four people would support your load. The third is by a horse/mare/mule and the likes. The fourth is of course, as mentioned, walking. And mind you, there is no separate route for each of the modes of transportation and thus it is quite a struggle to travel in the narrow paths provided.

In all bravado, the five of us started off on foot, doing well by finishing two kilometres before my mother and sister pulled the white flag. They were sent off with my brother on three horses while my father and I trudged along. By the four kilometre mark, my dad was panting away while I was terrified to stop. I am severely acrophobic, you see. So we had conflicting opinions where my dad wanted to walk slowly while I wanted to get on with it. In the end, we both took horses.

Those two odd kilometres were probably the worst nightmare of my life as the horse/mare had great difficulty in carrying someone like me and hence kept slipping while climbing the steps. It even fell down once trying to get balance. It was horrifying not only because of the sheer height that we were travelling at, but also the fact that this was just torture for the animal. The reason I didn’t want to go by the palanquin or the horse was because both seemed to be forms of exploitation for a paltry living.

What was to ensue after the climb was a complete and utter disappointment. Some pujari said, “This is where the River Yamuna starts from” and that in itself sounded dubious. To think that I travelled so much to see what I did was completely pissing off.

All five of us decided that we would walk down and surprisingly, although agonizing, we did manage to reach the base of the hill. We finished our lunch before heading off to the car. All ailments had intensified for all of us.

We then headed off to Uttarkashi which is apparently a few hours away from Gangotri . That is the final destination for today and is about 150 kilometres away. It was the most excruciating drive of my life as I felt utterly nauseous throughout the drive. Adding to that was the fact that my brother wanted to borrow the iPod from me which left me entertainment-less. Gah!

Uttarkashi did come after a long wait. It was past dusk by then. We had a sumptuous dinner after which I retired to my room with my brother to watch the IPL match between Delhi and Bangalore. It was a great match to watch – especially the classy Yorker that Kumble bowled to get rid of the Aussie all-rounder MacDonald. Pratt’s biography seems to be never-ending, but is very interesting nonetheless. Got to bed and had good sleep.

Day 5: Gangotri

2009-05-29T03:00:00.001+05:30

The morning was rather lazy as we were scheduled to leave only by 8am. Unfortunately, after a lot of dilly-dallying, we reached the breakfast hall only at twenty past eight to find all the tables occupied. Surprisingly, I was able to get a WLAN connection on my mobile phone but not on my computer! So I was able to check all my mails and whatnot while waiting for a breakfast table.

After having a nice breakfast, we headed off to the famous Kashi Vishwanath temple where I had an interesting experience with one of the pujaris. This guy was a very young chap and took it upon himself to teach me the gayathri mantra as well as a ganesha mantra. Okay dude, I am a Brahmin boy. I’m not trying to boast or anything but I know this stuff. Also, uncharacteristic as it may sound, I’ve learnt parts of the Yajur veda for a couple of years. Not bad eh?! Anyway, coming back, this guy took us around the temple trying to explain the significance of everything in the temple. Unfortunately, I didn’t catch much of it because of my rather poor Hindi skills and the fact that he refused to speak slowly! He was a very nice chap though, tied some religious thread around my hand and all (I’m not trying to sound like an atheist but these trips are increasingly making me an agnostic person). Also, it was Ekadashi, so we ended up giving money to the entire holy cast and crew of the temple!

After that, we continued our mind numbing journey to Gangotri – pretty much non-stop, except for the one water break (as in to drink) and at one Bhairavar temple. One thing is that these temples are all hyped up so much and in reality, they are not that big a deal. Especially after being to the temples in South India – the ones that we learn in Indian history textbooks – Brihadeeshwarar and Meenakshi and Madurai and all.

So then we were on our way to the rest/guest house at Gangotri, when, guess what?! Traffic jam!! Can you believe that?! In little known Uttarakhand, of course, in not-so-little-known Gangotri. Still. You get the idea.

So we had to walk some two kilometres to our rooms – after yesterday’s debacle – and I could have none of it. I had some crazy breathing problems as I felt dizzy. Of course, I can be proud that I have been puke-free and faint-free for this trip (I’ve never fainted in my life actually). So we reached and I had a fever, cold, sore throat, headache and nothing in my stomach as we didn’t have lunch. I couldn’t take it anymore. Really. I went to bed and started weeping. My mum came and helped me out and got me tea, bread toast and Maggi. (We were late and so there was no lunch. Only Maggi and toast. Reminds me of Athich 24X7!). I felt much better after that and a Sinarest tab, a strip of which my sister had luckily bought in Uttarkashi. Another thing is that, it’s lucky if you find allopathic medicines and network signal in these places. So I felt much better after that. But as some sort of protest (actually I was just too lazy), I decided not to go to the temple at Gangotri. After coming all the way. Pretty cool eh?

Since I fell really ill and the morale has been pretty low, there were some talks with the driver if the trip could be abridged so that we could skip some of the (rather important) places – like Kedarnath and Badrinath. That was all in the air though.

Being some 3200 feet (or metres – I know it makes a big difference, but I really don’t know as for now) above sea level – it was naturally cold in the evening and night. That’s the other thing that’s been annoying me here. The diurnal temperature is absolutely “mind blasting”. It’s 29 degrees in the morning and 12 at night! Tosh!

So I ended up sitting in my room with my brother, telling him all my experiences from SMU – probably boring him to death – but he listened patiently. The others went to the temple and returned after which we just spoke endlessly about different experiences that we generally had. Great family fun! After that, we went for dinner and got back again.

Pratt’s life is getting interesting.

Day 6: New Tehri

2009-05-29T02:59:00.003+05:30

We were supposed to leave Gangotri at 6am in order to avoid the traffic and so everyone ended up getting up at some 4 45 am. It was freezing cold and my dad actually managed to have a cold water bath while we got our mouths frozen just trying to brush our teeth.

There is a certain element of regret and guilt that I didn’t go to the temple last evening, but really, if it were meant to happen, I wouldn’t have fallen so ill. So we all got our grumpy ol’ selves into the car as we headed off towards New Tehri via Uttar Kashi. If I didn’t realize how bad the roads were while coming to Gangotri, I definitely did when we were returning. It was to be the worst, the most horrible journey yet in this trip. The Uttarakhand public sector chaps have thought that it would add to the natural beauty of the location if there were no roads at all. All cool muddy, hilly terrain and all. Idiots! And to make matters worse, they have boards with the silliest things written on them. The ones I can remember are: “This place is hilly. Don’t drive silly!”, “If you sleep, your child will weap (with spelling mistake)”, “Be careful on the curves” (all pun and all eh?!), “Army and BRO are best friends”. I don’t know what BRO stands for, but I thought it was funny all the same. I know I am getting a bit retarded, it’s okay.

I think all the virus and bacteria and all other friends have decided to take a toll on me at once for not attacking me in Singapore. I know have a throbbing head (probably something to do with sinus) and have a splitting (heh!) ear-ache – the left one. The journey made it worse, needless to say. Of course, the nauseous feeling still remains.

So we got to Uttar Kashi and halted there and I just wanted to stay there for the rest of the day. I have officially become travel-phobic. We had some light brunch kind of a thing before deciding to carry on to New Tehri. Idiot of a manager at Uttar Kashi told us that it would be only a three hour drive there, but it was five. We stopped on the way for some Maaza, Sprite and masala peanuts. (You will understand the relevance of the details a bit later).

So we went on and on in the usual hilly terrain, ascending to reach New Tehri which is 1500 feet above sea level. Not good for most of my ailments, especially my ear. I asked the driver to stop for a bit because I thought I would throw up at one point of time. Anyway, without much scene, we were able to make it to our destination and got three rooms for ourselves.

It was here that I realized that my stomach was in a bad condition as the “lunch” that I had was not particularly healthy or what I am used to. So I had to force myself to vomit. What came out was an orangish-fizzy thing with like crunchy peanut stuff laced on it. Sorry for being gross. I’m just miserable.

It’s almost official. I don’t think we would be continuing with this trip to the rest of the Chardam. Rishikesh is just eighty kilometres from here and in all likelihood, we will be headed off there. My dad got some medicines for my ear and all – so things are looking up.

So feeling all good that there would be six days of nothingness before catching the train back to Delhi and returning to beloved home Bangalore, we all went for dinner. There, our driver came to check up on us and we told our plan to return to Rishikesh. He seemed extremely surprised by the decision and vehemently said that he would not allow anything of the sort. He said that it is still okay to skip Kedarnath as there is a steep climb and the fact that it is snowing there. But he said that Badrinath is absolutely imperative for us to visit as these are opportunities are quite rare and shouldn’t be let go off so easily.

The conviction with which he said it made us believe that it would be nice to go there. He also said that since we are skipping Kedarnath, we would have extra days, so we could do smaller journeys each day.

So feeling better, we were headed back to our rooms when I caught sight of the Bangalore vs. Deccan IPL match. It was Manish Pandey’s day all the way with him being dropped on 2, him getting a fabulous century and later on in the match, taking a brilliant catch. Virat Kohli also got into the action towards the end to get some 170 runs. The target was awesome, but seemed too easy when Gilly and Gibbs started batting. Something had to give way and the batting crumbled slowly. It just wasn’t Uthappa’s day as he dropped one catch and mis-fielded a few times as well. He didn’t get to bat as he was demoted down the batting order. It was a great win for Bangalore. This was all okay. What was really interesting was what Rahul Dravid said in a post-match interview with the rather stunning Mandira Bedi. He said that there was no expectation from the Bangalore team and that they just went out and had some fun. He also said that in the semi-finals, the onus to perform will lie on Chennai because their management (their management!) expected them to win unlike Bangalore’s. I wonder what Mallya told these boys.

Guy Pratt has led the total, the ideal rock ‘N roll life. He’s had it all, part of Floyd, session bassie for Madonna, Jackson and the likes. He’s played on MJ’s Earth Song. Cool stuff.

Day 7: Srinagar/Rudraprayag/Birahi

2009-05-29T02:59:00.001+05:30

I had great sleep last night for the first time in this trip. I feel much better now, although the cold is still remaining. I know you really don’t care by now, but I do, so well...

My father tried to fix up some accommodation for the new plan and things seem to be looking fine at the moment. We were supposed to wait for some guy’s call at this place called Srinagar but we got a call well before that saying that our stay has been fixed at Birahi. Originally the plan was to stop at Rudraprayag which is about 90 km from New Tehri. Birahi would mean that we would now be travelling another sixty kilometres, or two hours extra. I don’t know if I will ever be satisfied by saying this a million times, but travelling is just not for me. I prefer sitting and lazing about.

We stopped at Srinagar for a drinks break (not my types one though) and then a bit past Srinagar to have lunch. Most of us didn’t have an appetite because of the now, dull and boring journey and so we settled for some curd rice before carrying on.

We finally reached our destination – a “rest house” in the middle of nowhere. As usual, some river was flowing very close by. I am getting used to that now and it’s no more fascinating. This time it was the Alaknanda River which originates at Badrinath apparently. The others were adventurous enough to go outside and see the landscape and what-not but I was content in just lounging about for a while before catching the swearing in ceremony of the PM and his 20 cabinet ministers. Interesting stuff. It was also fascinating to notice that some of them “solemnly swore” while others “swore in the name of God”.

After that, Mr. Om Prakash came to watch some TV with us and we caught the first half of the first innings of the Delhi vs. Deccan semi-final match. After that I had a good dinner before staying on the phone with a Bangalore loved one. (If you are reading this, I was not amused after speaking to you).

I was supporting Deccan all along and Gilchrist’s fireworks were absolutely magical to watch. It was unfortunate that he couldn’t stay till the end to finish it off in style. It’s now going to be an all South-Indian final.

Guy Pratt is by far the most enviable “guy” on earth. Sorry, bad joke.

Day 8: Badrinath

2009-05-29T02:58:00.003+05:30

Like Tony Grieg’s commentary when Sachin was on fire at Sharjah, I should say that: “It’s all happening here at Uttarakhand.”

We woke up early and were ready to leave by 7 30am as our driver – Mr. Om Prakash – suggested that we have a South Indian breakfast for a change. I was curious to see how well they could make our idlis and dosas and naturally agreed. It was not surprising that being used to Brahmins coffee bar and all, this was quite horrible. Of course, the lemon tea that I had after was quite good and refreshing and made my journey upwards rather tolerable.

As always, (and I am getting used to it by now), there was a traffic jam because roads are open as one-way traffic at different times. Interesting. This brought a flurry of salesmen into the picture; trying to market their various seemingly holy artefacts. The rest of them decided to go to a Hanuman temple as we had to wait for some one-way gates to open but I stayed and watched American Pie 2 and The Great Debaters on my iPod.

The climb to Badrinath was quite steep and once we reached, we were greeted by a genteel drizzle. Super chilly and all. My cold doesn’t seem to give up, but is definitely fighting a losing battle with me now.

Had a relatively decent lunch with some good soup. The soups here are really keeping me alive here. We just sat and sat for a while, doing absolutely nothing. Our driver came and sat withus for a while in the hope of catching the match but we were going out for a change, to check out the place and go to the temple as well.

The Badrinath temple was madly crowded and the serpentine line extended to beyond infinity. Seeing that things were looking rather glum, my brother suggested that my dad use other methods to get us in. My dad sincerely went up to the guy and brandished some cards and immediately, we were allowed to enter through some “gate 3” and getting all VIP entrance and all. It was a good darshan that addled my brain a bit.

I wondered why man would be so fanatical about God and if that God were all powerful, why all the pushing and shoving and bad sentiments that surrounded such a darshan? It has also been bothering me that this trip has not been fascinating me. If I were in BMS, I might have liked this more. That’s a strange thought. That I’ve tried to be pragmatic to the extent of being condescending on other things and it was not a pretty thought.

We got back to our chilly rooms while we sipped on soup or coffee and talked about so many different things that it was great fun. We went for dinner after that and then continued our little session. I am saving the end of Pratt’s book for the flight back home but I don’t know if it’ll last.